Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Please don't ask me

[Audrey and Addison. The cutest children in the world]

Welcome to my life. You have been here how long? This whole new baby thing has people from all over the world e-mailing me and saying how pretty my baby is, or how cute my baby is, or how gorgeous my baby is.

I want to tell you flat out. I know. I made her. I know how awesome she is. I know how precious she is. I know how adorable she is.

You should be jealous.

Along with this attention I also get the links to their own blogs and the phrase comes right after, "some see how cute my baby is too"

So this leaves me sitting here contemplating. What if I think your baby is ugly? What if this mutant you gave birth to is just that; a mutant. I don't want to comment on how pretty your baby is. I don't want to tell you that your baby is beautiful because some standard social etiquette manual tells me to tell YOU that your baby is cute. I don't want to lie to you.

The cutest baby(s) in the world is(are) MY baby(babies). Audrey. She IS the cutest child in the world. Addison. She IS the cutest baby in the world. Of course you should think so, because its true. No other child can compete to be as awesomely beautiful as my baby is.

No doubt there are a TONS of runner ups, but please don't ask me to tell you how cute they are, because like Simon Cowell, I might actually tell you. If you have to have me tell you how cute your baby is, chances are that it's ugly.

You don't ask a Dad to comment on your child either, they have a serious serious bias. Moms will discuss the cuteness of babies until the cows come home, but Dads will tell you just like it is. They even might do the following cheer. You never know.


MARTIN said...

dude that is horrible, on the other hand it is so true, when people say "let me show you a picture of my baby" i cringe. props for actually posting this

Just Jules said...

I was laughing hard enough over the post then add the dang SNL skit but your label - your ugly kids... seriously I think I may have peed myself. Hey... I had 4 of the cutest kids in the world myself. it happens ;) (the peeing on self, and knowing how gorgeous your baby is)

mouse (aka kimy) said...

congratulations....oh I've been away way too long, much to catch up on!

she is the cutest baby in the world. but, some of us do find that every baby is so....but that's part of the magic about babies, each one can be the cutest baby in the world (even if someone finds it not so)

now I understand your comment on loving the sound of silence....tee hee!!

best to yas!! and give that cutest baby in the world a kiss from me!!

Julie said...

Wow Adam, tell us how you really feel :-D

Will Burke said...

I'm with Martin, But I guess you could either say "(s)he's Golden Lab cute..." or "...pug cute..."

~K said...

Thank God for your wife's side of the gene pool or i might have to be honest too! :-D

Jinxxy said...

oh i love this!!! ALL parents are biased like this- and like you said when everyone starts dragging out their pics- well- its hard to be quiet sometimes.

as far as ugly babies- have a quick story for you. one of my best pals had a grandson- mom was high risk and they did a 3D ultrasound- pal calls me to say she is about to have the ugliest grandson on earth. OMG i was horrified she'd say that!

i think she was the only first time granny to NOT share the baby's pictures- and maybe i'm the biased one here, but when i fianlly saw him- i wanted to slap her silly, bc he is gorgeous....

Nomad said...

the SNL skit added the perfect touch!!!