Sunday, May 9, 2010

Update your google readers!!

I have been growing more and more distant on this blog for a few weeks.  It's not like it is intentional, it is just that blogger doesn't make it easy for me to post a new blog post.  It requires me to find time in my very busy after work schedule.

Now that I am working more human hours, my ability to post has been diminished.  When I was working retail, I would come home at night, and no one would be up, so I would blog.  Not the case anymore.

So, if you have been following me on the URL please update my feed to

I am moving this blog over to the Wordpress Platform, because they have a specialized mobile app to allow me to post from my phone, a whole heck of a lot easier than blogger.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

See if you can find me

Well today I am not here.  I am over here writing about joint checking accounts.

You will be surprised as to which side I am on, but in reality, I can argue both sides of the issue.

Go check it out.  Comment and tell us what you think.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Pooping at work?

When is it acceptable to poop at work?  I think that is a fair question.  Since I have started a new job, it's nice to revisit the subject as to remind myself of the proper etiquette before my bowels need to have a pyrotechnic show that would probably rival Thunder over Louisville.

The reason I ask this question as there is always that guy in the office that can't wait to get to work and drop a deuce.  Usually it's a young guy who recently moved in with his girlfriend and is freaked out about scaring the girl off by the odoriferous colon he has in his pants.  But, we often think of the nasty dumpers as dudes, but in my long career of working in small staffed offices, there are just as many girls who can poop with the best of them.  Usually the girls who poop at work are also those who have recently moved in with their boy and are trying to keep up the guise that they don't poop.  Just like they don't sweat, fart, or even stink after working out.

We all know that after about 2 years of living together, sharing a space, and even occassionaly enjoying a pleasurable romp in bed, that they do actually poop.  They also sweat, and if your romps are good enough, sometimes you both stink and sweat after. 

So this leaves me to pontificate the correct way to poop at work. 

It is only acceptable to poop at work in the case of an extreme emergency.  You know the, oh my god, that Chipotle Burrito washed down with the extra hot sauce emergency.  The holy shit, I can't believe I ate the squirrel on lunch. 

Recreational shitting is to be done in your own home, and not part of a regular routine at work. 

Thank you for your time and consideration, now light that candle, it stinks in here.

Monday, April 19, 2010

My Wii called me Obese...

...and unfortunately it might be right.

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have noticed that I was looking for a Wii Fit Balance Board for my daughter's birthday.  Well not long after her birthday, the greatest wife in the world, my wife, not yours, found one at a Target and quickly scooped it up.
Well as The Wifey left this past weekend to visit her family in Kentucky, she left Audrey and I behind to fend for ourselves.  Well Audrey's idea was to unpack the Wii Balance Board and get to it.  So we did.  

To get it set up, as Audrey and I were clueless, I decided to be the guinea pig and step on.  It goes through a series of activities to determine you "Wii Fit Age".  It said that my "Wii Fit Age" was 30.  Fitting as this year I DO turn 30.  So I thought, hell, maybe I am a little more healthy than I think.  Like everyone else I have the same self image issues most of us do.  We don't think we look all that great, because the magazines tell us we don't.  
So as I stood on an electronic box, sipping a beer, it gave me the most humbling news.  My dreaded BMI.  It was up there.  It said my ideal weight for a guy my size and age is 166 pounds.  Then it gave me what my real weight was.  

I almost dropped my beer on the fucking thing.  I would have been fine with letting my mom come over with her eternal pissing beast, and let him piss all over this contraption.  I tried to hide the tears that shrink wrapped my eyes.  I knew I had gained some weight recently, but I had no idea how much I really had gained.  Sure my pants are up 2 sizes and now even those are getting snug, and I've noticed stretch marks in places I didn't have them before, and right then and there I realized I was becoming the dumb fat guy.  I wasn't taking care of myself the way I should be.  

I am starting to run the risk of having heart disease, running the risk of not being able to run with my daughters.  Running the risk of becoming unattractive in my wife's eyes.  

These are all real fears.  These can be motivation to real change.  

My younger brother was once in my place.  Gaining weight and not caring.  Then he realized one day that something needed to change.  About a year later after he was down nearly 75 pounds, be said, there is no such thing as a diet.  There are all these fad diets, Adkins, South Beach, The Cookie Diet, and they are all bullshit.  None of them work.  You have to make a lifestyle change.  You have to change what you keep in your fridge, you have to change how you wake up in the morning.  Sure there are things you have to sacrifice, like the 8 pounds of salt you throw in your chicken, or the 25 scoops of sugar you put in your coffee.  

I once tried this so called lifestyle change, and it worked, for the 2 weeks I did it.  Because of my brother, I was able to cut sugar out of my coffee altogether, and drink it straight up, and I still do to this day.  I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, just by doing that.  But after my wedding and during my wife's pregnancy, that lifestyle was long gone.  I was back to eating whatever the fuck I cared to.  Like chicken covered in cheese.  Like eating a hamburger 6 of the 7 nights of the week.  Like sitting on the couch watching television instead of outside walking the dog.  

Life has certainly changed, and because my wife has felt so run down, I have let myself feel run down. 

So as I stood there, looking at the television shocked to see that the scale was up past the 250 pound mark, I decided there needed to be a little change in my life.  So I did was anyone would have.  I finished my beer and ran the equivilent of a mile and a half in my living room on the Wii Fit with my daughter.  Being active together.  Sweating.  Laughing at each other.  

Today I finished filling out the paperwork to get a scholorship to the YMCA they are building near the house.  If we are going to change, we are changing as a family.  

This past Sunday, I woke up with Audrey, and we went to church with friends of mine.  It was the first time in a long time that going to church was fun for me.  It was on my terms.  

This new challenge will be to.

**that is NOT a photo of me

Monday, April 12, 2010

Glenn Beck spews hatespeak?

Who is Glenn Beck? 

Glenn Beck is a syndicated radio talk show host, and host of a program on Fox that bears his name.  Many call him a religious zealot.  Many call him a hate monger.  Many call him conservative.  Many call him a Republican.  I call him nothing like that.  I call him an educator, I call him an entertainer.

Many years ago I was a broadcast student.  I was psyched about learning a new profession that had intrigued me for so long.  I was sitting near the rear of the classroom listening to my instructor give his 'opening monologue' if you will. 

The message that day resonated in me.  It still lives in me today as I write this trivial blog.  At the end of the day, your program you are working the board on, producing, directing, hosting, or contributing should answer 2 questions.  Did you learn something?  Were you entertained?

At the end of every class he asked those 2 questions before he dismissed us. 
I believe Glenn Beck has the same meeting with his production staff.  I want to entertain as well as educate America.  Thus the tag line of his show, 'the fusion of entertainment and enlightenment'. 

Do I think Glenn Beck is right all the time?  No.  Do I think he is more right than I want to believe?  Sometimes.  Am I entertained by the character that is Glenn Beck? Absolutely. 
This week I saw a bunch of tweets that talked about why Glenn Beck must be stopped.  Why Glenn Beck spews hate.  Why Glenn Beck's advertizers should not buy ad space on his program.  Then they seemed flaborgasted when he came out and said, ' I'm just an entertainer.'

See! Everything he said is bullshit! He knows nothing! Some of these tweets said. 
I'm just surprised all these people thought of him as anything other than an entertainer.  He doesn't have a party affiiliation, although he leaned a bit liberal prior to 9/11.  He is not a Republican, Democrat, or Green Party, or whatever party there might be.  He is what I would call a Constitutional Traditionalist.  He beleives in the Constitution and he feels many people after the founding fathers corrupted, or maybe prostituted the interpretaition of it.  His program breaks down his views on how they did just that. 

He targets a type of person called a, progressive.  A progressive as they called it was not about progressing America, but retarding it and restoring big government. 

The states gave the Federal Government power, not the reverse.  The progressives, according to Beck want to destroy America.  He uses case study from way back when, to today to prove his point.  This is hard to watch or listen to, or even be told, but in the end, he says if you are trying to hijack this country, you are the enemy. 

I happen to stand in line with that.  If you ARE in fact trying to hijack our government, you are the enemy. 

Beck says he is scared that, if things keep going the way they are, then everything will be government run, and thus end the democratic republic.  He says, look at what they did to healthcare, the financial industry with bailouts, the auto industry with bailouts.  The government just didn't hand over money.  They got a stake in the business. 

People forget that JP Morgan bailed out our country during the Depression.  Now, many years later, it is the government who bailed out JP Morgan.

So why are people so pissed off at Glenn Beck?  

Is it because what he says is true?  Is it that everything he says cannot be refuted?  Is it because he can rally people behind him?  Is it because despite what he says, he can still draw the audience?  Is it because you just hate who ever your neighbor likes?  

Many people forget that people like Glenn Beck, Barrack Obama, and whomever else has 'power' is because we give it to them.  It's either afternoon television ratings, voting for them, or going to their sermons everyday.  People like Glenn Beck would have zero power if we didn't give it to them.  

So how does one amass 'power' as they say?  Well as much as we want to believe, it's the detractors that tend to make television personalities more popular.  Howard Stern didn't become the 'King of all Media' by rallying people that liked him, it was pissing off the people who didn't.  In New York, when he was on WNBC, people who liked him tuned in because they wanted to see what he was going to say.  People who hated him tuned in because they wanted to see what he was going to say.  

Jesus wouldn't be as popular as he is without his crucifixion.  His detractors raised such a stink, they put him to the cross.  He died, then he showed off and rose from the dead.  Criss Angel only wishes he could do that trick.

Glenn Beck is no different than Jesus, Howard Stern, or even Barrack Obama.  He says what he says because he can get a reaction.  Either take it or leave it.  For you to assume Beck is anything other than an entertainer, you my friend are the idiot.  You are going to let what an entertainer says get your panties in a twist?  He doesn't make policy.  He doesn't run the country.  

For the record.  Glenn Beck had the same message when George W. Bush was in office.  His message hasn't changed.  

For the record.  I voted AGAINST George W. Bush the first time.  I voted FOR George W. Bush the 2nd time.  I voted AGAINST Obama.  

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Whirl Wind weekend

Kentucky often gets a bad reputation.  Sitting just south of Ohio, Kentucky is known for it's southern drawl, bluegrass, moonshine, and even the legal spirit Bourbon.  It's awesome that Kentucky is so close for us too.  Jenn's family lives there.  It's so nice to be so close to visit as often as we do.

6 weeks ago, The Wifey's Granddad had a stroke.  She was itching to get down there and see what it going on.  The stroke was nothing life threatening, it was mild by stroke standards, but put her Granddad's morality in check.  For her Granddad his mortality first came into play when he and his wife, Grandmother, went on a trip.  They were in Nova Scotia, Canada, when he had a heart attack.  It was serious, but again, by heart attack standards it was under control.  Well he got to see the 'fantastic' Canadian health care system. 

For those of you who want to know how it works, here is a sneak peak.  He sat in the hospital for 3 days before they gave his doctor's clearance to do the stent procedure which is done within 24 hours here in America.  They took their time with testing.  About 2 weeks later he was cleared to leave the hospital and come home.

The Wife's maternal grandparents are the epitome of independent senior living.  They were active, sharp, and everything the doctors say you should be when you get older, but this heart attack while on a road trip in Canada, was a snap back to reality.  No one lives forever.

I know this just as much as any, Grandparents and go in a blink of an eye. 

Flash forward, Granddad had a stroke.  Then flash forward to a week ago, he had another heart attack.  At this point Jenn and I revamp our plans for Easter and decide to head to Kentucky for the holiday rather than drive up to see her sister. 

Flash forward this past Friday.  Earlier in the day Jenn gets a phone call update from her mom.  Granddad is doing well and they are talking about sending him home.  No reason to stay in the hospital.  Later that day Jenn noticed a call from her Aunt.  No message.  She tabled the call and decided to call back at a later hour.  She was getting Audrey from school, and helping with homework.

At the time Jenn didn't answer the phone, I got a call minutes later from her Aunt.  A phone call from her Aunt is not something I get.  Ever.  I answer.  Hopefully all was well.  Jenn's Aunt tells me that Grandmother had a stroke and she is on her way to the hospital via ambulance.  She couldn't get a hold of Jenn, and she asked for me to pass along the message.

I hung up the phone, my staff saw the look on my face.  I told them I had to go and get to Jenn.  I tied up a few loose ends with my customers and I was gone.

I got home, and Jenn was surprised to see me home 2 hours early.  I asked her if she called her Aunt back.  She said, no.  I said that she might want to call, her Grandmother had a stroke.  Everything was stable, but you need to call her.

I saw Jenn's heart sink.  I know what it is like being so far away and feeling helpless.  We went through a very similar situation when we went to Chicago for a nice overnight trip to see a show, and I got a phone call that BOTH of my Grandparents were in trouble and that I needed to get home.

This situation hit very close to my heart.   I knew what Jenn wanted to do.  She wanted to get in the car and go.  It didn't matter what her mom said.  Everything could have been hunky dory and she would want to get in the car and go.

With in an hour I would say tops, we had the dog off to my mom's house, and we were in the car heading south to Kentucky.

Saturday we were in the hospital visiting.  They released Granddad, but Grandmother wasn't out of the woods.  Upon first glance you couldn't even tell Jenn's Grandmother had a stroke.  After listening to the nurses and the family's account of what the doctors were saying made me appreciate what we have here in Cleveland even more.

Cleveland is home to 2 world class health systems.  If you have cancer, get to the Ireland Cancer Center at the Cleveland Clinic.  Need a heart transplant, get to University Hospitals.  There are other great programs at these two great facilities including neurology.  If you go to one of these great facilities, you get quick, prompt, and sounds medical advice.  If there is uncertainty, they rarely show you they are freaked out about it, and if they are unsure they don't tell you a bunch of bullshit.  They tell you, hey we are not sure, but this is what we are going to do.  Think an entire hospitals with Dr. Houses. 

Now here we are in a hospital, in a small town relative to Cleveland, hearing all about what the 3 doctors who saw Grandmother said.  1 said, you look great don't know why you are here, a 2nd painted a picture of doom and gloom, and the 3rd said that she didn't have a stroke. 

Get you stories straight.  I was talking to my broth via text while I was there.  He said he couldn't trust anyone outside of the Cleveland Clinic, especially in a part of country where they might use butter to treat sunburn still or use snake bites to treat sinning. 

That might be all well and good, but Jeff Foxworthy said something pretty true, it doesn't matter how much school you might have gone to, you just seem stupid if you have a southern accent. 

In all seriousness, Grandmother seems to be doing well as of right now, which is a good thing.  Jenn stayed down there a few extra days with the baby so she can have the peace of mind that everything is ok.

And it may seem that I am being a little hard on the Kentucky hospital, but in all reality I would put America's worst hospital up against the rest of the world's best hospital. 

I will let you know how everything turns out. 

In the meantime, pray, send good vibes, do anything that you might think help to make sure Jenn can get through this with some sanity. 

Monday, March 22, 2010

Throwing Quarters Podcast replay [audio]

Here is the audio for Season 3 Episode 2.

You can catch the Video Replay in the post below for click here. 

If you so choose, you can also download it on iTunes.  Just search the podcast library for Throwing Quarters Podcast.

You can also find us on your iPhone and Android using the UStream App, just search Throwing Quarters for the video, or stream it on Stitcher Podcast Radio from your smartphone.  


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Musical Guest: American Swill [Redwater Rojo]
Mentioned Artist: Rob Evan [Minerva Realm]