Pooping at work?

When is it acceptable to poop at work?  I think that is a fair question.  Since I have started a new job, it's nice to revisit the subject as to remind myself of the proper etiquette before my bowels need to have a pyrotechnic show that would probably rival Thunder over Louisville.

The reason I ask this question as there is always that guy in the office that can't wait to get to work and drop a deuce.  Usually it's a young guy who recently moved in with his girlfriend and is freaked out about scaring the girl off by the odoriferous colon he has in his pants.  But, we often think of the nasty dumpers as dudes, but in my long career of working in small staffed offices, there are just as many girls who can poop with the best of them.  Usually the girls who poop at work are also those who have recently moved in with their boy and are trying to keep up the guise that they don't poop.  Just like they don't sweat, fart, or even stink after working out.

We all know that after about 2 years of living together, sharing a space, and even occassionaly enjoying a pleasurable romp in bed, that they do actually poop.  They also sweat, and if your romps are good enough, sometimes you both stink and sweat after. 

So this leaves me to pontificate the correct way to poop at work. 

It is only acceptable to poop at work in the case of an extreme emergency.  You know the, oh my god, that Chipotle Burrito washed down with the extra hot sauce emergency.  The holy shit, I can't believe I ate the squirrel on lunch. 

Recreational shitting is to be done in your own home, and not part of a regular routine at work. 

Thank you for your time and consideration, now light that candle, it stinks in here.

My Wii called me Obese...

...and unfortunately it might be right.

If you follow me on Twitter, you might have noticed that I was looking for a Wii Fit Balance Board for my daughter's birthday.  Well not long after her birthday, the greatest wife in the world, my wife, not yours, found one at a Target and quickly scooped it up.

Well as The Wifey left this past weekend to visit her family in Kentucky, she left Audrey and I behind to fend for ourselves.  Well Audrey's idea was to unpack the Wii Balance Board and get to it.  So we did.  

To get it set up, as Audrey and I were clueless, I decided to be the guinea pig and step on.  It goes through a series of activities to determine you "Wii Fit Age".  It said that my "Wii Fit Age" was 30.  Fitting as this year I DO turn 30.  So I thought, hell, maybe I am a little more healthy than I think.  Like everyone else I have the same self image issues most of us do.  We don't think we look all that great, because the magazines tell us we don't.  

So as I stood on an electronic box, sipping a beer, it gave me the most humbling news.  My dreaded BMI.  It was up there.  It said my ideal weight for a guy my size and age is 166 pounds.  Then it gave me what my real weight was.  

I almost dropped my beer on the fucking thing.  I would have been fine with letting my mom come over with her eternal pissing beast, and let him piss all over this contraption.  I tried to hide the tears that shrink wrapped my eyes.  I knew I had gained some weight recently, but I had no idea how much I really had gained.  Sure my pants are up 2 sizes and now even those are getting snug, and I've noticed stretch marks in places I didn't have them before, and right then and there I realized I was becoming the dumb fat guy.  I wasn't taking care of myself the way I should be.  

I am starting to run the risk of having heart disease, running the risk of not being able to run with my daughters.  Running the risk of becoming unattractive in my wife's eyes.  

These are all real fears.  These can be motivation to real change.  

My younger brother was once in my place.  Gaining weight and not caring.  Then he realized one day that something needed to change.  About a year later after he was down nearly 75 pounds, be said, there is no such thing as a diet.  There are all these fad diets, Adkins, South Beach, The Cookie Diet, and they are all bullshit.  None of them work.  You have to make a lifestyle change.  You have to change what you keep in your fridge, you have to change how you wake up in the morning.  Sure there are things you have to sacrifice, like the 8 pounds of salt you throw in your chicken, or the 25 scoops of sugar you put in your coffee.  

I once tried this so called lifestyle change, and it worked, for the 2 weeks I did it.  Because of my brother, I was able to cut sugar out of my coffee altogether, and drink it straight up, and I still do to this day.  I lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, just by doing that.  But after my wedding and during my wife's pregnancy, that lifestyle was long gone.  I was back to eating whatever the fuck I cared to.  Like chicken covered in cheese.  Like eating a hamburger 6 of the 7 nights of the week.  Like sitting on the couch watching television instead of outside walking the dog.  

Life has certainly changed, and because my wife has felt so run down, I have let myself feel run down. 

So as I stood there, looking at the television shocked to see that the scale was up past the 250 pound mark, I decided there needed to be a little change in my life.  So I did was anyone would have.  I finished my beer and ran the equivilent of a mile and a half in my living room on the Wii Fit with my daughter.  Being active together.  Sweating.  Laughing at each other.  

Today I finished filling out the paperwork to get a scholorship to the YMCA they are building near the house.  If we are going to change, we are changing as a family.  

This past Sunday, I woke up with Audrey, and we went to church with friends of mine.  It was the first time in a long time that going to church was fun for me.  It was on my terms.  

This new challenge will be to.

**that is NOT a photo of me

Glenn Beck spews hatespeak?

Who is Glenn Beck? 


Glenn Beck is a syndicated radio talk show host, and host of a program on Fox that bears his name.  Many call him a religious zealot.  Many call him a hate monger.  Many call him conservative.  Many call him a Republican.  I call him nothing like that.  I call him an educator, I call him an entertainer.


Many years ago I was a broadcast student.  I was psyched about learning a new profession that had intrigued me for so long.  I was sitting near the rear of the classroom listening to my instructor give his 'opening monologue' if you will. 


The message that day resonated in me.  It still lives in me today as I write this trivial blog.  At the end of the day, your program you are working the board on, producing, directing, hosting, or contributing should answer 2 questions.  Did you learn something?  Were you entertained?


At the end of every class he asked those 2 questions before he dismissed us. 
I believe Glenn Beck has the same meeting with his production staff.  I want to entertain as well as educate America.  Thus the tag line of his show, 'the fusion of entertainment and enlightenment'. 


Do I think Glenn Beck is right all the time?  No.  Do I think he is more right than I want to believe?  Sometimes.  Am I entertained by the character that is Glenn Beck? Absolutely. 
This week I saw a bunch of tweets that talked about why Glenn Beck must be stopped.  Why Glenn Beck spews hate.  Why Glenn Beck's advertizers should not buy ad space on his program.  Then they seemed flaborgasted when he came out and said, ' I'm just an entertainer.'


See! Everything he said is bullshit! He knows nothing! Some of these tweets said. 
I'm just surprised all these people thought of him as anything other than an entertainer.  He doesn't have a party affiiliation, although he leaned a bit liberal prior to 9/11.  He is not a Republican, Democrat, or Green Party, or whatever party there might be.  He is what I would call a Constitutional Traditionalist.  He beleives in the Constitution and he feels many people after the founding fathers corrupted, or maybe prostituted the interpretaition of it.  His program breaks down his views on how they did just that. 


He targets a type of person called a, progressive.  A progressive as they called it was not about progressing America, but retarding it and restoring big government. 


The states gave the Federal Government power, not the reverse.  The progressives, according to Beck want to destroy America.  He uses case study from way back when, to today to prove his point.  This is hard to watch or listen to, or even be told, but in the end, he says if you are trying to hijack this country, you are the enemy. 


I happen to stand in line with that.  If you ARE in fact trying to hijack our government, you are the enemy. 


Beck says he is scared that, if things keep going the way they are, then everything will be government run, and thus end the democratic republic.  He says, look at what they did to healthcare, the financial industry with bailouts, the auto industry with bailouts.  The government just didn't hand over money.  They got a stake in the business. 


People forget that JP Morgan bailed out our country during the Depression.  Now, many years later, it is the government who bailed out JP Morgan.


So why are people so pissed off at Glenn Beck?  


Is it because what he says is true?  Is it that everything he says cannot be refuted?  Is it because he can rally people behind him?  Is it because despite what he says, he can still draw the audience?  Is it because you just hate who ever your neighbor likes?  


Many people forget that people like Glenn Beck, Barrack Obama, and whomever else has 'power' is because we give it to them.  It's either afternoon television ratings, voting for them, or going to their sermons everyday.  People like Glenn Beck would have zero power if we didn't give it to them.  


So how does one amass 'power' as they say?  Well as much as we want to believe, it's the detractors that tend to make television personalities more popular.  Howard Stern didn't become the 'King of all Media' by rallying people that liked him, it was pissing off the people who didn't.  In New York, when he was on WNBC, people who liked him tuned in because they wanted to see what he was going to say.  People who hated him tuned in because they wanted to see what he was going to say.  


Jesus wouldn't be as popular as he is without his crucifixion.  His detractors raised such a stink, they put him to the cross.  He died, then he showed off and rose from the dead.  Criss Angel only wishes he could do that trick.


Glenn Beck is no different than Jesus, Howard Stern, or even Barrack Obama.  He says what he says because he can get a reaction.  Either take it or leave it.  For you to assume Beck is anything other than an entertainer, you my friend are the idiot.  You are going to let what an entertainer says get your panties in a twist?  He doesn't make policy.  He doesn't run the country.  


For the record.  Glenn Beck had the same message when George W. Bush was in office.  His message hasn't changed.  


For the record.  I voted AGAINST George W. Bush the first time.  I voted FOR George W. Bush the 2nd time.  I voted AGAINST Obama.  

Whirl Wind weekend

Kentucky often gets a bad reputation.  Sitting just south of Ohio, Kentucky is known for it's southern drawl, bluegrass, moonshine, and even the legal spirit Bourbon.  It's awesome that Kentucky is so close for us too.  Jenn's family lives there.  It's so nice to be so close to visit as often as we do.

6 weeks ago, The Wifey's Granddad had a stroke.  She was itching to get down there and see what it going on.  The stroke was nothing life threatening, it was mild by stroke standards, but put her Granddad's morality in check.  For her Granddad his mortality first came into play when he and his wife, Grandmother, went on a trip.  They were in Nova Scotia, Canada, when he had a heart attack.  It was serious, but again, by heart attack standards it was under control.  Well he got to see the 'fantastic' Canadian health care system. 

For those of you who want to know how it works, here is a sneak peak.  He sat in the hospital for 3 days before they gave his doctor's clearance to do the stent procedure which is done within 24 hours here in America.  They took their time with testing.  About 2 weeks later he was cleared to leave the hospital and come home.

The Wife's maternal grandparents are the epitome of independent senior living.  They were active, sharp, and everything the doctors say you should be when you get older, but this heart attack while on a road trip in Canada, was a snap back to reality.  No one lives forever.

I know this just as much as any, Grandparents and go in a blink of an eye. 

Flash forward, Granddad had a stroke.  Then flash forward to a week ago, he had another heart attack.  At this point Jenn and I revamp our plans for Easter and decide to head to Kentucky for the holiday rather than drive up to see her sister. 

Flash forward this past Friday.  Earlier in the day Jenn gets a phone call update from her mom.  Granddad is doing well and they are talking about sending him home.  No reason to stay in the hospital.  Later that day Jenn noticed a call from her Aunt.  No message.  She tabled the call and decided to call back at a later hour.  She was getting Audrey from school, and helping with homework.

At the time Jenn didn't answer the phone, I got a call minutes later from her Aunt.  A phone call from her Aunt is not something I get.  Ever.  I answer.  Hopefully all was well.  Jenn's Aunt tells me that Grandmother had a stroke and she is on her way to the hospital via ambulance.  She couldn't get a hold of Jenn, and she asked for me to pass along the message.

I hung up the phone, my staff saw the look on my face.  I told them I had to go and get to Jenn.  I tied up a few loose ends with my customers and I was gone.

I got home, and Jenn was surprised to see me home 2 hours early.  I asked her if she called her Aunt back.  She said, no.  I said that she might want to call, her Grandmother had a stroke.  Everything was stable, but you need to call her.

I saw Jenn's heart sink.  I know what it is like being so far away and feeling helpless.  We went through a very similar situation when we went to Chicago for a nice overnight trip to see a show, and I got a phone call that BOTH of my Grandparents were in trouble and that I needed to get home.

This situation hit very close to my heart.   I knew what Jenn wanted to do.  She wanted to get in the car and go.  It didn't matter what her mom said.  Everything could have been hunky dory and she would want to get in the car and go.

With in an hour I would say tops, we had the dog off to my mom's house, and we were in the car heading south to Kentucky.

Saturday we were in the hospital visiting.  They released Granddad, but Grandmother wasn't out of the woods.  Upon first glance you couldn't even tell Jenn's Grandmother had a stroke.  After listening to the nurses and the family's account of what the doctors were saying made me appreciate what we have here in Cleveland even more.

Cleveland is home to 2 world class health systems.  If you have cancer, get to the Ireland Cancer Center at the Cleveland Clinic.  Need a heart transplant, get to University Hospitals.  There are other great programs at these two great facilities including neurology.  If you go to one of these great facilities, you get quick, prompt, and sounds medical advice.  If there is uncertainty, they rarely show you they are freaked out about it, and if they are unsure they don't tell you a bunch of bullshit.  They tell you, hey we are not sure, but this is what we are going to do.  Think an entire hospitals with Dr. Houses. 

Now here we are in a hospital, in a small town relative to Cleveland, hearing all about what the 3 doctors who saw Grandmother said.  1 said, you look great don't know why you are here, a 2nd painted a picture of doom and gloom, and the 3rd said that she didn't have a stroke. 

Get you stories straight.  I was talking to my broth via text while I was there.  He said he couldn't trust anyone outside of the Cleveland Clinic, especially in a part of country where they might use butter to treat sunburn still or use snake bites to treat sinning. 

That might be all well and good, but Jeff Foxworthy said something pretty true, it doesn't matter how much school you might have gone to, you just seem stupid if you have a southern accent. 

In all seriousness, Grandmother seems to be doing well as of right now, which is a good thing.  Jenn stayed down there a few extra days with the baby so she can have the peace of mind that everything is ok.

And it may seem that I am being a little hard on the Kentucky hospital, but in all reality I would put America's worst hospital up against the rest of the world's best hospital. 

I will let you know how everything turns out. 

In the meantime, pray, send good vibes, do anything that you might think help to make sure Jenn can get through this with some sanity. 

Health Care, a real debate

Well I apologize for the hiatus.  I haven't logged in for a little bit due to this cough that I seem to have contracted.  Ahh, I have healthcare, but I just haven't made it to my doctor yet. 


Call me lazy.  You're probably right. 


So earlier this week, I posted a tweet that fed into my personal Facebook page.  The post was meant to make fun of Denis Kucinich, a longtime Congressman from Ohio, who was mayor of the city of Cleveland, and who eventually led the city directly into default.  First time in history a city had ever done that. 


The concept of this attack on Denis was that he flipped his stance on the health care reform bill.  He opposed it prior to this week.  I basically said that Denis traded his vote for a ride on Air Force 1.  He did.  When you watch the video of President Obama disembarking from his 747 in Cleveland this past week, right behind him, the guy who looks like his butler, yeah, that was Denis.  Good ole, retard Congressman who seems to get re-elected year after year for no apparent reason.  The guy, who year after year, attempts to run for President.


So the President came to a suburb of Cleveland to take about healthcare.  All of a sudden, after a pretty routine speech for Obama, Kucinich decided, you know what, I support this bill. 


Whatever Denis.  Stick to your guns.  You made another boneheaded move.


Well this little post of mine sparked ignited a debate in the comments section.  28 comments later, we are still duking it out.


It's just amazing.  Because I want to make sense of the debate, I am going to try and explain what happened.  My good friend Carrie and her Husband Josh, live in and around Washington DC.  [Line redacted upon request.] To say they are neck deep in political bullshit on a daily basis is to say that it snows in the winter [unless you're Al Gore, then that just made no sense]. 


Carrie supports this healthcare reform because it will give healthcare to everyone.  Warm and fuzzy, cue the music.  Everyone is happy.  She sites the Canadian plan as an example of how government healthcare works and is good.  Her argument has valid points, and I too support a plan that will give everyone healthcare.


Now, my other good friend, Heather, and for clear disclosure worked for the Republican Party during the presidential campaign, is NOT a supporter of this plan.  She says that the government plan will slow down services like chemo if cancer is found.  She sites that this is what happens in Canada.  She says that our system needs revamping, but not at the high cost that this healthcare bill is going to do. 


In a nutshell that is the argument.


Carrie asked what the Republicans have brought to the table?  She said that all she is seeing is them trying to attempt to block ANY reform. 


Now Heathers point, and there is no refuting this, is that the Republicans can't stop shit.  They don't have a majority at all, or the power to influence the majority. 


The partisan card needs to be put back in the deck.


So who do you believe? Carrie, who thinks this plan offers healthcare for all.  Or do you agree with Heather?  She thinks that the cost of this plan is too great.


Well here is where I am going to chime in. 


I agree with both of these ladies.  They both make a compelling argument.  Who wouldn't want healthcare for all?  It's a great thought.  It reminds me of the movie American Tale.  There are no cats in America and the streets are filled with cheese. 


Sadly, just as Fivel found out that the song he sang wasn't exactly true, much is the same with healthcare reform.  It sounds great.  There are a ton of great talking points.  But I don't see the vision.  


This bill is going to give coverage to 32 million Americans who are uninsured.  Awesome.  Well according to the last Census it stated that there are 45 million who are uninsured.  So this bill isn't giving all Americans health coverage.  For that matter, there are 308.9 million Americans according to that same Census.  So, 14% of America is uninsured.


So why are we revamping a system that will only effect less than 14% of the population?  It's like we are trying to use a broad sword to put a cake.  It doesn't make sense. 


There are points in there that say, well, insurance companies can't deny coverage for pre-existing conditions.  Awesome, that's great.  But now that they HAVE to cover me for my cancer, that is going to drive cost up, which the government will pay, which they will pass back down to you and me, the American taxpayer.  The bill even states that this will raise taxes.  That is how it MIGHT cut the deficit in the first 10 years.  But when has a government project ever been within its budget?  History is indicitive of future performance.


So here I sit, in a place right now, knowing I have coverage, but not going to the doctor.  It's a nice place to be, but I don't support this bill, but its one thing to oppose something to oppose it, but I offer some other ideas.


What happened to the free market?  Insurance companies have allowed the prices to increase, because they can pass it down to the plan holder.  The market could keep that price kind of in check, because if people couldn't afford the premiums, they would stop the coverage [but in Ohio, we are not allowed to change our insurance plan with our employers at all unless we have a qualifying event, thanks government].  But as a false housing bubble has bolstered our market, during that same time, health coverage rose too.  Because people were using their houses as an ATM, they kept paying their medical bills, and not bitching about it.  If they were bitching, there were not bitching to the right people and the politicians weren't listening anyway, they were getting paid off BY the insurance companies.  As one system went unchecked, so did another, so did another, and so on.


So now what do we do?  Reform!  But reform for the sake of reform is not good.  Never has been.  If we are going to reform, give me back my ability to negotiate the price of my healthcare. 


Make hospitals who bill the insurance companies more accountable for their prices.  A recent report showed that a patient was charged $1.50 some cotton balls.  Awesome.  I can get a pack of 1000 for $0.89 at costco. 


So give me back the power to not only talk to my doctor about my care, but also, how much it costs too. 


The biggest thing about this bill I hate is how they slyly packaged student loan reform into this bill.  I'm sorry, I thought this was healthcare reform?


I am not opposed to student loan reform, but because they packaged these together, and tried to pull the wool over our eyes, I'm downright pissed off.  This is the bullshit the President promised to stop.  He promised transparency.  He promised so many things, but alas he has DONE none of it.  


Government intervention hasn't lead to many great things.  Carrie sited Canada as a good example of government health care.  Yes, Canada seems happy with it's system.  But where Canada is 1 example of success, there is Russia, Nazi Germany, and China who's systems eventually collapsed.    


So this is where America sits and waits.  The President's political party is in office and they are having trouble passing a health care reform bill HIS party came up with.  The Republicans have nothing to do with it.  They opposed it and the most of the Democrats oppose it as well.  This should scream loud and clear to America, don't pass it.  Even the people who wrote the bill don't even agree with it's entirety.    


So please, as we near this vote in Congress, how do YOU feel about it.  Don't be shy.

*photo credit is here

Principles

It's one thing to have principles and tell everyone you know about them.  It's quite another to actually live by certain principles.

I have said over and over, I will not ever buy another General Motors vehicle.  Ever.  The press has understated Ford's ability to weather the recession storm with out the help of the American taxpayers.  There is hardly any coverage about this point, but this does not go unnoticed to me.  It's a lesson in business.  Change your business model if it proves to be failing.  So a year before the big recession hit, Ford was making plans for a change.  They stopped making mini vans, and started to reinvest in smaller more fuel efficient cars.

In early 2010, Ford started to reap the rewards of it's change, although the mainstream media is still not reporting on the great things they are doing.  Ford's Fusion won Motor Trend's Car of the Year.  The last time Ford has won this award was in 2002 when the Thunderbird's re-emergence came to be.

Well in early 2010, in the year of change for me, I was able to help Ford continue it's growth.  I was able to buy a brand new car, the 2010 Ford Fusion.  It's filled with goodies.

I could go on and on about how awesome this car is, but I want to mention how awesome Ford is.  Not only is the dealer I worked with amazing, by helping me pay off the new car and getting me a decent rate on a new loan for the new car, despite my struggles to help build my credit, but Ford as a company has a great social media presence.  I tweeted on my way home that I bought a new Fusion.  They tweeted me the next day to congratulate me.

This is not the first time I have interacted with Ford on twitter.  I commented on how awesome it was that Mike Rowe from Discovery's Dirty Jobs is the spokesman for Ford.  They tweeted back, they thought so to and appreciated my comments.

With Toyota stumbling on their quality, Ford has always had a stigma of producing poor cars.  Everyone always has those stories, my Ford did this, my Ford did that, but with every bad story about a Ford there are 10 good stories that no one ever talks about.

Ford's quality has always been great, and now with the media darling that is Toyota currently in crisis mode over it's quality of production, Ford will still be unnoticed and underrated by the mainstream media.

You know what, I kind of like it that way.  They are just going to put their head's down, keep putting out a great product, and engaging their customers in new ways.  I will be there with them, behind the wheel of my new Fusion.

Next up in a few, getting my poor wife out of her GM and into a Ford Flex.

My wife has a new blog and I can't seem to find the words

Why is it that when I have time to write, I can't figure out what to write about?  Or when I do want to talk about something, I cannot find the words?

This whole process is frustrating.  

Oh and by the way.  Have you checked out my wife's blog?  She finally got on there last night and posted about a new reality TV show.  

Go check it out and follow her.  

I'm not here today

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Vacation Day 3 [Last chance to sleep in]

Hopefully as you read this, I am fast asleep.  See since starting the 2 week vacation before the new j-o-b starts, I haven't been able to sleep in.  Monday, the perfect time to do so, I was up at 7am.  Tuesday I was UP AND OUT THE DOOR by 7:30am.  Today, I hope I am still asleep.  You see this post is auto posted for 8am EST.  Let's hope I don't beat it here.



Anyway, for those of you who like to read what I write, go check out a new blog I am a part of.  Yesterday I wrote about child support.  Tomorrow I am a part of a debate.  Did I win?  You decide tomorrow, but in the end, the debate was over casual sex.  Go see what I said tomorrow, seriously, I offended my counterpart.  Seriously.  I got the e-mail.  It was awesome.

So, there is not much to say right now.  Life is quiet.  I am planning an itinerary for when Vodka Logic comes to town.  We need to hit some places where food is sold.  Hit the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame.  Give her a guided tour of MY city.  Watch the final dress rehearsal of the play my wife and kids are in.

In the mean time, I was talking with Audrey about her roommate for a few days.  Hope Vodka Logic likes 7 almost 8 year olds.

9 lists of 8

Because I am coming off a hectic weekend, and 2 relaxing days off, I gave my brain a day off.

My new found Canadian Buddy, Will tagged me in a game of lists.  9 lists of 8.  They are predetermined lists. But I need a break for now.  At the end, you get a chance to play along.

8 TV Shows I watch:
Law & Order: SVU-This is where I get all my knowledge on crime.
Myth Busters- I love how nerdy Adam and Jamie are to get to the bottom of Urban Legend
Glenn Beck- I know I know. But like I have tweeted before, part thinks he is full of shit, the other thinks he might be right.  I hope he is full of shit, but something tells me he isn't.
Local News on WKYC-TV-When it comes to the news in Cleveland, I turn to our NBC affiliate.  The weather reports are pretty accurate, but they don't scare me with their 8 million Doppler Radars.  
Top Chef-I am not what you would call a foodie, and frankly I hate the word.  I am a guy who likes to cook and likes to eat.  I don't criticize restaurants, I don't tell you to stop going there.  If I write about it; it was good.  If I am quiet, then I think it sucked, but I am not so entrenched in my opinions of a place to tell you that it sucked.  Top Chef really let's me spend time with Audrey and show her food is something to get excited about.
ESPN First Take-Although I am not your typical guy, I am still a guy.  I like to see what they are saying about my Browns
Iron Chef America-Michael Symon is from Cleveland.  I always watch when he is on.
Diners, Drive In's, and Dives-This season is featuring 7 or 8 Cleveland area restaurants.  Check that show out.

8 Favorite Places to Eat & Drink
Bar Symon-Goes without saying I like Symon.  He's a Cleveland dude.  The fact he opened a restaurant in my home town, I think it goes without saying I love the place and will support it in anyway I can.
The Greenhouse Tavern-Although I have only been there once, I loved the wings, beef tartar, and wine.  It may be a 'green' restaurant, but political buzzwords aside, it's fantastic.  It's run by two great people Jonathon Sawyer, and Chef's Widow.
B-Spot-Symon's new burger joint.  I love burgers.  I love Symon.  Enough said.
Swenson's-See B-Spot but strike the word Symon and just plug in burgers. 
Fiesta Jalapeno- The Mexican joint across the street. Love it.
Melt-Coming up on Diners, Drive-In's, and Dives on February 8th.  Grilled Cheese and Beer.
My Kitchen-I have made plenty of great meals at home, but I love it when Wifey and I are in the kitchen together, but it doesn't happen too often.
My Mom's house-Who doesn't love their mom's cooking?

8 Things I look forward to:
Sexy time with the Wifey-Do I really need to explain that?
Eventually a 'by' line in a published book, article, magazine and then getting a check made to my name as a result.-C'Mon, I've been published 3 times, but never got paid for it! 
Comments on my blog posts-A bloggers wet dream is getting a shit ton of comments.  Don't make me beg.
The end of my work days-Work has been tough recently and I usually like the overtime, but as of late, I love going home to the family as fast as possible
Getting my car fixed-Hopefully it will be fixed by the end of the week
Addison being potty trained-Changing diapers is shitty, and yes, that pun was intended. 
Change-for the good.  It may include, but is not limted to, becoming independently wealthy, getting a full time gig that will pay me to write, having smart kids that will take care of me when they get rich.
A visit from a certain blogger who started this whole list thing-Vodka Logic is coming to town!


8 Things that happened yesterday:
Baby woke up a million times, thus trumping something I was looking forward to-2 guesses as to what that was.
I called to see how much it was going to cost to fix my car-I really wish I was more mechanical to know when I was getting raped up my ass.  At least the inmates in prison can see it coming.
Watched a ton of news-I love the news.
I forgot to put out the garbage for the garbage truck for the 2nd week in a row-I have a feeling it is going to get stinky.
I did the dishes-I am domesticated.
I read a lot of blogs-But only commented on a few.  
Laughed- I seem to do this a lot when I am not at work
Watched the Wifey sleep- And I tried to figure out what she sees in me.  She is so much cooler than me.


8 Things I love about Winter:
The Cold-The Wifey gets closer when it is cold.  That's why the house is kept at 52 during the summer.
Snow!-Although I haven't skied in years, I always watch the ski forcasts.
Cozy fires-I need a fire place
Emergency Snow Warnings-It means it's going to be a fun day behind the wheel.
It's when Addi was conceived-We did it a lot that winter.  
The hush on the street when the snow falls-The snow on the ground just mutes all the noise cars make
The last day of cold before it turns into spring-I like it when it ends.
That first snow fall-It's always amazing

8 Things on my wish list:
A portable mixing board-It would really help with the podcast
A night without the kids-I want to take the lady out to a good dinner at one of the 8 places we love to eat, maybe a movie, and then maybe do it like teenagers after words without worry the kids will hear/walk in.
A new car-More specifically a Ford Taurus SHO.  Sexy car.   I want it loaded.

A new laptop-More specifically a 15" Mac Book Pro
A happy and prosperous life and family- Like anyone else.
A new house-Need a bigger house with a yard.
A Superbowl win for the Cleveland Browns-Need I say more?
My own airplane-So I could have breakfast in San Fransisco and dinner in NYC.  Lunch on board.


8 Things I am passionate about:
My wife and children-They are the most amazing people in my life
Sales-Sales is not about hitting a number, it is about forming and cultivating relationships. 
Writing-I like to write, and I think I am ok at it.  Sometimes I think I suck, but sometimes I really do think I am awesome.  Average it out, and I am just ok.
Reading-Read to escape and learn.
Music-Especially not the shit you hear on the radio.  Local, grassroots shit.  The demo tape made in a garage is my favorite.  Gritty, honest, and usually awesome!
Food-I hate boxed dinners
Coffee-Local coffee houses are awesome, but few and far between thanks to Starbucks.
Learning-Whether it be about myself, or anyone else, I am a fan of the human being.  

8 Words I often use:
[in no particular order]
Awesome.
Happy. 
Please.
Thank-You.
Fuck.
Hello.
Cock.
Shit.

8 Things I learned from the past:
That the freedom America has wasn't exactly fought for, but negotiated.-Read Zinn's book; A People's History of the United States of America then follow it with McCullough's biography on John Adams.
That it could be worse-A childhood story that my Grandpa read to me.  It's a philosophy to live by.
Abstinence only programs do not work- I was in a school district that taught us what a condom was, and also what spermicidal lubricant was, and also how to put on a condom, by demo-ing it on a banana.  I look back on that day in health class in 9th grade as the information I use most often.  They also said that the only form of birth control that was 100% effective was abstinence.  As a result of this class I abstained until I was nearly 21, although I almost had sex when I was 18, but stopped short.  I have only had 2 partners.  Knowledge is power.
Prohibition created NASCAR-Google that.
The 60's looked scary as hell-I watched  a documentary on 1968, and it was fucked up.  
History repeats itself-I am working hard on not repeating my mistakes.
Humans will eventually be extinct-And it doesn't matter how many windmills we put up.  Eventually we are all going to die.
Gravity is awesome-Sir Isaac Newton.  Thanks for discovering it!


8 Things I want/need:
To be idolized by my children-Really, my kids need to think I am awesome
Money-It's tight right now.
Clarification on how we are NOT helping Haiti-I have seen interview after interview of American's telling the government get involved in the recovery effort.  We have Marines, War Ships, and a TON of American Aide on the ground.  We cannot just wave a magic wand.  
I need the celebs to raise money for things in their own country-For instance.  When disaster strikes, Hollywood, the fashionable cause monger they are, gets involved.  I have not seen 1 PSA from then helping out the people of this country since Katrina.  Why can't Clooney raise money to help average guys like me pay off their debt?!  I don't care what you think, but if you want to use your celebrity for something, help us out, don't tell us what you think.
Motivation-Seems I am lacking some motivation as of late.  I don't know what it is.
A new couch-Anyone who has sat down on this thing has had a hard time getting out of it.  It sucks you in.
A new TV-The one I have is sweet, but it is also 300 pounds.
A new car-For either my wife or for me.  Just want a new one


I am supposed to tag 8 people.  I say eff that.  I like breaking rules.  If you want to play along, let me know in the comments section.  I will come check it out and comment on it.
     

Throwing Quarters Podcast Season 3 Episode 1

As promised, we did it.  Episode 1 is in the can.  Hope you enjoy it.  It was certainly a ton of fun.

Take a listen.  It should be up in iTunes shortly.  If you are impatient you can just listen below!

Important Dates that were mentioned.
Video Shoot for Vendetta Point.  February 21, 2010 @ 2:30pm at Peabody's. Free to public.  Just show up and look good

CD Release Show for Vendetta Point.  April 3, 2010 @ 7:00pm at Peabody's.  $6.00 at the door, free if you contact Jim or Ken or Me. 

I want to thank Vendetta Point for stopping by, and as promised in the podcast, here are all the links you need to know.

Vendetta Point  and Vendetta Point Twitter
Jim Skirtch
Ken Obloy
Kasey Crabtree and Kasey's Twitter
Dan Ryan
Mrs. Throwing Quarters 


During the Plugs I mentioned a community theater in Avon Lake, Ohio.  You can find them here.

Here is the hour of mayhem!

Powered by Podbean.com

You can also find us on Stitcher Podcast Radio from your iPhone, BlackBerry, or Droid.

Mark you calendars.  Our next Episode is February 21, 2010.

Throwing Quarters Podcast Season 3 Live 8pm EST

Today is the day. The Throwing Quarters Podcast goes live at 8pm EST.

Starting at 7:30pm EST we have a pre-show. It will include some great music from Dave Ritz, Auralis, Adam Taylor, The Ohio Sky, Philo, Ryan Humbert, and Love Drug.

8pm EST Live!  With Adam, Kasey, and Dan

Guests this month: Vendetta Point

*If you do not see the uStream Feed and Chat Feed below, please click here to go to the direct show page*



Live Videos by Ustream

It's coming

Changing requires planning.  It requires discipline.  It requires forward thinking.  It requires support. 

This week I make a huge change personally.  It has been the source of my seemingly ever ending sour mood.  It has caused me sleepless nights and early mornings.  It has me distracted.

What is it that is changing?  My podcast. 

Since April, my podcast has been a labor of love.  My baby.  I have planned and executed everything on it.  From booking my guests, to reaching out and looking for new ones, I was in charge of it all.

This year it's changing.  This anxiety started after our first meeting on the format.  Kasey and Dan came over and we talked about how and what this whole thing is going to look like, sound like, time tables, etc etc etc.

Planning.

After the meeting I kept going over and over in my head.  Is this right?  Am I sure?  Oh my god this is really happening!  With change comes doubt.  Always doubt.  Keeping my resolve, and having faith in myself that I can guide this process through is something I must do. 

I have no doubt that this is something that is going to happen.  The wheels are in motion.  The ustream feed is set up, but not all the technical bugs are worked out.  The soundbites I want to use are not edited yet.  I. am. freaking. out.

I am sure after this Sunday, it will all go off without a hitch.  The camera will work and provide a picture, but I am still a little sketchy on how it is working.  It seems that I can get it to work one day, but not the next.  The computers webcam works like a champ, but my hand held is a 50/50 shot. 

So needless to say I am a little worried.  I am excited.  I am nervous.

I am giving up a small level of control to make something better.  Let's hope it all works out.

Worst case scenario is that you can hear us but not see us.

After all, this is a radio show first. 

A poem that doesn't rhyme, but poetry nontheless

I am staring at a blinking cursor on my computer screen.

I'm blank.

I have Pandora pumping in the headphones.

Fake It-Seether

I feel like I am faking it. 

My smile.

Myself. 

Not depressed, just craving a change.

Tired of hypocracy. 

Tired of bullshit.

Just tired.

2010 is going to be a year of flux.

I crave the challenge.

Sonic's are about as great as dog meat by comparison

Strong statement?  I think so.  It was intentional.  Over the last few months, there has been such a hubbub about Sonic's.  You know the Drive-In Restaurant chain that serves you right in your car.  What a novel concept.  Not.  Cleveland just opened their first one in the area to rave reviews.  I knew years ago that this chain wasn't all that it says it is.  It's novel and you all know when the novelty wears off.  You realize that you have been to this drive in so many times, you realize that what you are eating is close to dog food.  I think some people of Cleveland think this is a new concept.  Many know that those people are wrong.

These Drive-Ins are a slice of Americana.  Drive in restaurants date back to as early as 1936, but didn't really reach the height of popularity until the 1950's after the end of WWII.

I am not all that old, but what I wouldn't give to live in that time.  Drive your land yacht with the tail fins to the drive in and order a burger, fries, and a vanilla coke.  It's no secret I am a burger fanatic.  They are lovely. Probably the most simple of concepts, but yet, no two burgers ever taste the same.  The All Ohio Burger from The Greenhouse Tavern is heads and tails different from the Bar Symon Burger at Bar Symon, or even more different still than the Fat Doug at B-Spot and both the Bar Symon and Fat Doug are made by the same chef.  Burger King vs. McDonald's.  Wendy's.  You get the picture.  Simple yet diverse.

The burger dates back to around 1885 when the Menches brothers were vendors at Erie County Fair.  They ran out of sausage for their sandwiches so they decided to use beef instead.  This of course is just one of the many stories about how the hamburger was invented.  There are too many to mention, but I would like the think that the legend of the Menches Brother's is the most true account.  1.  Their Story is believable.  2.  They are from Akron, just a hop, skip, and a jump from Cleveland, Ohio.

I tell you these stories to tell you yet another story.  Akron is not just home of the brilliant inventors of the hamburger, but it is also home to the first ever Swenson's Drive-In.

Last night I experienced Swenson's for the first time, and boy, it was everything everyone said it was.  The concept is not much different than that of Sonic, except they forgo the speaker boxes in the car stall. Their menu is printed on paper and not a monstrosity of lights and color much like a McDonald's drive thru.  The car hops run to your car and use pencil and paper to take your order and don't rely on a squawk box.  They don't use a call button, but just have you turn on and off your headlights.  You know, the way it was before there was all that impersonal technology.  I know I know, a shocking statement coming from a guy like me, but that's a different blog for a different time.

Swenson's is a slice of Americana placed right into my car seat.  Wifey and I ordered a double cheesburg which was fantastic.  After I ordered Wifey one-upped me when she ordered a slice of bacon on her burger.  Why the hell didn't I think of that?

Along with a burger we order vanilla cokes.  How wonderful is it to have a real vanilla coke.  Not that crap in a can that they sell at your local grocery store.  Despite the several inches of snow on the ground, Swenson's was busy.  Plenty of cars in the lot.  The car hops were right there and attentive.  Just to illustrate this point, I must tell you this.  I pull the car in.  They saw me pull in and by the time I slid my fat assed SUV into the parking spot, the car hop was running to the car, and by the time I had the car in park, she was ready to take my order.  How unbelievable is that!  

To tell you this burger was the best burger I ever had would be a lie.  It was good, juicy, well done, but not so good I would say that it was the best burger in the world.  But it sure beats the shit out of Sonic, McDonald's, Wendy's, Jack in the Box, Burger King, Arby's, and even Whataburger.

Swenson's burgers are amazing, truly amazing.  I could live on these burgers, but I'm pretty sure I would develop a heart condition and then die, but at least I would die happy.  If you are in Cleveland, coming through Cleveland, or once thought about wanting to come to Cleveland, you need to mark this place on the "must visit" list.  Forget Sonic's.  Find a Swenson's!

I like local

I've been bored for the last few years.  Food choices, retail shopping choices, entertainment options.  All those categories I have started to grow tired of going to the same god damn place.  If we can't decide on a good restaurant to go out to, we go to Fridays.  It's good, but I'm bored.  If we can't find it at Wal-Mart or Target, we don't seem to buy it.  If it's not playing at a local regal cinemas, it seems that we don't go. 

This is plaguing Cleveland.  I think we do things because it's what we have always done. 

This Christmas season, inspired by Chef's Widow, I focused not on getting great gifts for my wife, but getting great gifts for the wife you can't get anywhere else BUT Cleveland. 

I got the wife a couple scarfs from Proper Tea for Christmas.  Proper Tea is a locally owned and operated clothing company by Danielle DiBenedetto.  When I first heard of Proper Tea it was on a local morning show.  It was impressed and ever since I was on a mission to get the wife some scarfs.  The only down side is that they were hard to get.  She, at the time, did not have an online store [now she does] so I was boutique hopping.  I finally got my hands on both scarfs this Christmas when she set up a temporary boutique in the same outdoor shopping mall I work in.  I met her and happily plunked down my cash for them.  She also sold me another gift for the wife.  A long shirt, or dress depending on how tall you are.  I was nervous about that, but my wife has a good eye for design and she also loved it.

A customer of mine had a unique purse.  It was a cigar box with a handle.  It was awesome.  I asked her where she bought it, thinking my wife, a purse freak, would love one.  She said she made it.  I asked her if she sold them and she said, "thought never crossed my mind until now."  Three days after our encounter, she walked in with 2 purses to show the wife.  I bought them both.

People who open stores locally, I need to help them.  Their wares are usually just as good as what you would buy in the store.  Why not buy from your neighbor if you can?

2009 was hard for many people.  There are those who have lost their jobs, like my friend Kasey, or like my Mom, but both are not sitting around feeling sorry for themselves.  Kasey started a blog and is trying to make her own destiny rather than waiting for it to come to her, and my mom is doing the same thing.

My mom makes jewelry.  She is what I was call a jewelry freak.  She has a jewelry safe bigger than most jewelers.  If she cannot find what she wants, she makes it.  Well after her recent job loss, she turned to her craft to pass the time between checking e-mails and making phone calls.  After 3 days we had tons of jewelry.  Why not sell it?  She always has gifted these pieces off to family, but now that she has so much invested into her jewelry, it doesn't make sense to give it away.  So she has turned to sell it.  If you care to check it out, she has 6 item for sale in her Etsy store.  She sold one within a week of opening, so let's hope this is the beginning of a new path for my mom. 

I like buying local now.  A whole new world has opened up for me in Cleveland.  From drab boring Midwest city to culinary mecca of the Midwest, Cleveland is transforming in front of my eyes.  Cleveland has more little boutiques than I can mention, and so many great places to dine. 

Now if only the Browns could get their shit together and resign Cribbs to a respectable deal, and the Cavs keep LeBron after we win the NBA Championship.

Another Whine-fest or A Needed Payday

I haven't written about my beloved Browns this season because there has not been much to say.  They ended their season 5-11 after a 1-11 start.  I am excited to see next year.  I am excited to see what Mike Holmgren will bring to my Browns.  I am going to be excited if we can keep the players that make a difference.  I am going to be excited if we don't get blown out right out of the gate.

Well for those who don't know, Mike Holmgren was the football genious behind the resurgence of the Packers and also the Seattle Seahawks.  Mike Holmgren is now the president of The Cleveland Browns.  He said he is going to have a meeting with Eric Mangini [coach] and also has reached out to Josh Cribbs [the most under valued player in the NFL].

Josh Cribbs is coming off a terrific season personally.  He holds the record for most punt returns for touchdowns, he is The Cleveland Browns MVP, and he is what I would call the classiest person in football.  He doesn't whine.  He doesn't bitch and moan.  He goes out, puts his heart into the game, and goes back to the locker room and is quiet.  Yes, he was not happy about his contract.  Yes, he may have held out at the beginning of the season.  Yes, he needs to get paid more. 

Yesterday The Browns made him an offer.  To give you perspective, he is currently under contract.  Originally it was a 6 year deal valued at $6.77 million.  So that is about $1.13 million a year.  He has 3 years left on his deal.  Obviously the fans want to give Josh what he wants.  A pay increase.  He deserves it. We won 5 of our games on the legs of Josh Cribbs.  He deserves more.  So the offer yesterday was, $1.4 a year for the rest of his contract and we can talk about it in 3 years.  Josh rejected the offer and then tweeted about it.  Saying it was a slap in the face.  Looks like he isn't coming back next year.  Sorry to the fans that they have to go through this.

This is a frustrated Josh Cribbs.  It shows.  There is no secret there.  But this has me in a precarious bind.  So I stand behind the player or the organization?  I am not a fan of the owner Randy Lerner, but he has begun to warm me over with a football genius in Mike Holmgren.  I have always been a fan of Josh Cribbs when I watched him run back multiple kick off's for touchdowns but they were called back because of a stupid holding penalty.  So what do I do?  Why not play both sides?

On behalf of the organization, we don't know how much room they have to offer Josh Cribbs a proper raise.  Mike Holmgren is playing GM and president.  He is walking into a crappy situation started with Phil Savage, enhanced by Kokinas, and now it seems to reach a head on his desk.  Mike has been in town 2 days.  He's already trying to deal.  He went to Cribbs first.  Get Cribbs a deal was his goal.  But the long and short of it is, Josh is under contract for 3 more years.  He is giving him a short term deal in order to take a step back and breathe. 

On behalf of Josh Cribbs, he is a players player.  He goes out and plays the game.  He came in as an undrafted player from Kent State, a school not known for it's football program.  He was a QB and was converted to a WR and special teams player because he was fast.  He deserves every penny he gets because he plays.  He helps the team win.  He is the reason we won 5 games this year.

So what is there to do?  Any other year I would side completely with Josh Cribbs, although that is not my history.  This guy needs a payday.  But this time, in a time of financial hardship all around, and my family's struggle to keep the bill wolves away, I don't agree with Josh Cribbs?  He got a 20% pay increase and he is rejecting it.  I say take it.  I would take a 20% pay increase any day!  Josh is living in a city who sees recessions first and gets out of them last.  The people that fill that stadium to watch him play probably couldn't afford the $40.00 ticket [Cleveland has one of the lowest ticket prices in the league].  They want him to do well.  To reject a 20% pay increase in a city that isn't getting one is pretty shitty move.  Seems like a baby move.  We can't expect him to be patient forever, but I think 20% is fair right now.  Who knows what will happen?

I am sure this situation will continue to play out.  If you want to follow Josh Cribbs on twitter, you can, just click here.  What do you think?

The Glorious Inglourious

I watch movies.  Netflix, as of late, have been my best friend [outside my wife of course].  It has allowed me to watch movies instantly or get movies in the mail.  I watch movies to be entertained, I watch movies to learn, I watch movies to break up the everyday monotony of life. 


The latest movie that has been in my DVD player was Inglourious Basterds.  The 2009 Quentin Tarantino film starring Brad Pitt and many many others.  I would have never known that Mike Myers was in this film.  Had I not read Wikipedia, I would have never known that the actor who played Hans Landa won an award at the Cannes Film Festival for best actor.  Had I not watched this movie, I would have a number of other things to talk about, none of which would have been as interesting as this blog is or isn't.

It's rare I watch a movie twice within 12 hours.  I have done it, but the last film that got me to watch it twice in 12 hours was ID4 [Independence Day].  I have watched Pulp Fiction on back to back nights, but that doesn't count because it was the only movie in the house when I forgot to pay the cable bill, so by default I watched it a few times.


Watching a movie that many times over and over, you learn a directors style, methods, and personality.  There is no secret that Tarantino is a great story teller.  From the cubist nature of Pulp Fiction from the flashback story telling of Reservoir Dogs, to the blaxploitation style of Jackie Brown, to the double feature movie Grindhouse, Tarantino has a romantic eye for movie making.  He makes movies the way they did way back when.  Before digital cameras, flash animation, special effects, and computer animation.  He doesn't make movies.  James Cameron makes movies.  Tarantino makes films.

Inglourious Basterds, Tarantino's latest creation, brings gritty, often uncomfortable subjects of Nazi Germany into your living room.  His characters seem to leap off the screen and into your lap.  You can feel the nuances of Col. Hans Landa, to the vengeance of Shosanna Dreyfus all while giving you a very coherent film.

This film pulled me in.  This film made feel what it would be like hiding from the SS and Gestapo, or what it would feel like to be scrutinized my the enemy while I was far behind enemy lines.  This film may be a work of fiction but Tarantino brought the Holocaust and the evil of the Nazi's into my living room, and in the end, it doesn't leave a bad taste in your mouth.  The conclusion is perfect and poignant and at times this movie is laugh out loud funny.


As far as the look of the film, it brought me so close, I could smell the perfume on Bridget von Hammersmark, or the sweat on her shoes as Landa interrogates her.  I could smell the stale cigarette smoke in the tavern as the British agent meets with his contact in a bar with a room full of Nazi's.  I smell the blood on the hands of the "Apache" as the scalped the heads of the Nazi's as they killed them.  I could feel the rage of the "Bear Jew" and I could sense the uncomfortable feeling you get when you are stuck between hiding your friends or turning them in to the Germans to save yourself.


This kind of emersion doesn't happen very often.


Wifey didn't see the appeal of this film as I did.  To her, this was, "A bloody and gore-y film that wasn't a bad movie".  Why do they need to put that in the movie?  That was unnecessary.  Why do you make me watch these movies?  I am going to strap you to the couch and make you watch one of 'My' movies with me, she says.  I wouldn't mind being strapped to the couch, but that is another blog for another time.  


To me a well made movie can be as bloody and gore-y as necessary, as long as it does something other than shock you.  Blood isn't in this movie just because Tarantino knew a good make-up guy.  He put it in in order to tell the story.  In order to put you there.  In order to see the glory in the Inglourious.