Friday, February 13, 2009

Happy Friday the 13th

This morning I was going through the blogs that I follow and catching up. I came across a blog from K @ Still Breathing. I found him after he was submitted to the line of questioning from tangobaby, just like I had.

Anyway, K posted a blog called Funeral For a Friend.

I commented it because at the end he pondered, what he wanted for his funeral and I gave my insights. Well, after a bit, I was still thinking about it. Seeing as it is Friday the 13th and I am feeling a little morose, let's talk about it.

So I decided that I needed to expand on what I wanted for my funeral. If I am tragically eaten by a werewolf from London tonight while I cross the street in front of a black cat under the full moon, you'll know what I would like. Are blogs legal documents to show the wishes of a dead person?

To start it off, I want you to close the casket. I don't want to freak anyone out by looking like I am asleep. Dead people at a funeral give me the heebee jeebees. I want the last image people have of me be what ever they want it to be, not as the dead guy with bad makeup in the box. Last thing I need is to look like Joan Rivers or Tammy Faye.

Next, please please please do not have my funeral at a church. I want to have my funeral in a musty VFW hall that has cool stuff on the wall. Church is just too formal. I have never been to a VFW hall where people were not having a good time. The bar usually is well priced, and what's a funeral without people sitting around a bar having a drink and telling stories about the guy in the closed box?

Speaking of the bar. I don't want Miller High Life on tap. Better yet, don't have beer there at all. The bar is to be stocked with only, fine wines [if my older brother is alive, please contact him here. If my older brother is dead too, call my younger brother.] bourbon [I prefer Four Roses, but unless my funeral is at a VFW hall in Kentucky, you can't find it up in Ohio, so Old Forrester, Jim Beam, Knob Creek, they are all fine substitutions. ] and vodka [must be top shelf. There are many top shelf vodkas, please see my brothers and father in law for a good label, they are the Vodka drinkers in my world].

What's a good time with out music? There has to be a tribute to me, after all it is my funeral. So I am going to take K's advice and ask that you track down Will Ferrell and have him sing Dust in the Wind. I know I'm not his boy, Blue, but nonetheless, my life insurance should cover his fees. After he's done, give him a bourbon and water, and then bring on whatever band is good and will play for free. My boys over at The Ohio Sky would probably play. They rock. If not try and see if you can get my other dude's band, Zippy's Brother. As much as I would like to have the Barenaked Ladies play my band, I don't want them to get stuck by our TSA guys and customs coming in from Canada.

Most funerals go in this order. Wake, Funeral Service, Procession, Burial, and then Reception at the end. I want it to go in this order.

Wake/Funeral Service/Reception to happen all at the same time. Then the Procession.

Now that we are going to the cemetary, what is the long road home with out music on the road. If you can, I want the procession to be lead by a parade float [rose bowl style] with the Band that played earlier playing Another One Bites the dust. I am sure Freddy and I would love to watch that happen. If you can't get that Parade float together, that's ok, get a huge speaker and strap it to the roof of the hurse [Blues Bros. style] and play it that way.

Once I get to the cemetary, just dig a hole and drop me in. No ceremony, no final hoorah. Once the dirt is all on top, I want you to have another drink, give each other a hug, and say, damn, what a great party this dead guy throws!

I just went back and K said we can call this AdamPalooza! Right on brotha!


calicolyst said...

I haven't put this much thought into my funeral, but I would want mine to involve pizza and root beer for everyone.

~K said...

Adampalooza it is but I am bringing some fine scotch for all the Single malt Drinkers and Cigars!

We're gonna put you in the ground, Play "another one bites the dust" by Queen and then say a big Fuck You to living Judiciously! :-)

Steve... The Master of The Universe said...

I betcha we could get your favorite childhood band together to play your funeral.... Yup... New Kids On The Block... It'll probably be the best venue they played in years!!! Lol