Thursday, June 4, 2009

Everyone Does It.

After much prodding from my friend Julie [There are 3 of you], I am posting this post. I caution you to read at your own risk. If you are eating, stop reading and come back later. If you are not eating, but intend to eat shortly, eat first, then come back once it's all settled.

There, you have been warned.

Julie was following my twitter/facebook status message feed yesterday and today and I posted very little. First one was that my day was going to be a rough day. [yesterday] and that, Yesterday was not fun, I'm sure I would blog about it, but then again, no one would want to read it.

Well a few comments and txt's later Julie wanted me to post what ever was rough about my day.

I post this with trepidation, but then again, I could care less, because let's face it, we all do it.

Over the past few years I have been fighting a battle with myself. Since I can remember I have never been regular. It was always an event. It happened once in a while, never on a regular basis, and it was either feast or famine.

When I was child and my parents split up, I was only 2 years old. I didn't show depression, but my childish mind manifested depression in a different way. I would not sit and cry. Instead I would hold it. I wouldn't go for a month at one point. I had to get an enema once because it had been so long.

Once I was older I would come to realize the harm I had done to not only my bowels, but also my colon and intestine. I would try and stay regular, but all the damage I had done to myself as a child has slowly come back to haunt me. It wasn't just something I did. It had become permanent damage.

About 7 years ago my doctors said I might be developing Irritable Bowel Syndrome. It was still unclear, but as the years past it has gotten progressively worse.

Over the past few months I have felt the effects of IBS over and over again. It's either feast or famine, like I said before. Well I have been on a famine for about a week and a half. Usually I can force myself, but it would be very uncomfortable, and who knows the damage I might be causing, but not this time. Yesterday I called my doctor. I told him I had been feeling increasingly lethargic and I haven't been able to go for about a week or so. He was concerned and told me to go to the store and get Magnesium Citrate.

I knew what this meant, and boy did he know how to ruin a good day off. For those who want to know what Magnesium Citrate does, here is what happens.

First you have to choke down the 10oz bottle of the 'lemon' flavored liquid. I use the term lemon loosely as it really doesn't matter what they label the flavor, it will still taste like crap. [yes, every PUN was intentional] Once you choke it down, you have to down another 8-10oz of water to make it work.

Once your stomach rejects it and sends it into the intestine, it uses osmosis and pulls water from your body into your intestine, and like liquid draino, it liquefies anything you got in there, and induces your intestine to vomit [basically]. It cleans you out, and from what I read in trashy tabloids, celebs use this stuff on a regular basis. I don't know how or why they would intentionally down this crap on a regular basis, but to each their own.

Well close to 1 hour after the intestine Molotov cocktail, off to one of the 2.5 bathrooms of my house I went to. I felt like I was banished. Sitting in a pool of agony, my intestines emptied in a tidal wave of cramping and splashing. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, and to put someone through this is outlawed in our Constitution by the 8th Amendment.

I read an entire Newsweek cover to cover, and then started on the New York Times on my BlackBerry next. To tell you that I am a little sore would be a drastic understatement, and like I told my brother yesterday, I feel worse than a train tunnel at an Elton John party. It was awful.

But like my doctor told me, it will help me with a few OTHER health problems I have been struggling with. Weight. Over the last 5 years I have gained no less than 30 pounds. I am not fat, and many wouldn't believe that I tip the scales at close to 230, and also energy. Many of my issues tie into my IBS and to get that under control, is to get everything under control.

I meet with a nutritionist in a month to discuss an eating plan. I hope she has good news because I cannot live without hamburgers with lots of cheese nor can I live without red meat, which can contribute to IBS.

I am going to try and combat this with just diet alone, because popping a pill is exactly what I don't want to do.

Today I have had loads of energy, and I hope this will help with work too, because I have been so tired I can't focus or have enough energy to pursue sales. I know this will help.


Julie said...

Holy crap (every pun intended) dude that sucks!! I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

~K said...

Dude..Wait until your doctor orders a aint seen nuthin' yet!

Just Jules said...

oh hun


and I came over to ask to submit a question to ask jules, is that wrong

Just Jules said...

your question for Ask Jules is killin me! If you had any idea how far detached from the news I have been and how unpolitical I am you would know how funny your question is. but, Ask Jules will answer!

Anonymous said...