Monday, December 7, 2009

A Christmas Carol: a day at the theater

The theater.  A world that allows us to step back in time to enjoy a form of entertainment that this world is lacking.  Live action acting.  Sets changing right in front of your eyes without you really knowing anything.  It's kind of like reading a book and watching a movie all at once.  You have to use your imagination a little, but not so much you cannot enjoy the acting on stage.

Theater.  My wife and I have a soft spot for it.  In high school we were in the drama club.  Outside of school, Jenn was part of a theater company in our home town and still continues to do so to this day.  This year Audrey is taking part in this year's production of Annie and thus we are spreading our love of the theater to our children.

Theater.  Besides old time radio serials, theater is my favorite form of entertainment.

Yesterday Jenn and I got to go to the theater.  For those reading outside Cleveland, you can get more information about Playhouse Square here.  Going out to the theater in my mind is like going out to a fancy dinner.  If the movie theater is the McDonald's of entertainment, and local theater companies are like T.G.I. Friday's, than going to a Broadway show is like going out to a 4 diamond dinner.

Jenn and I were running late to the show.  As we pulled into my mom's house our dear little shit monster named Addison decided to fill her britches.  The process of stripping down and the feeding the baby took a little longer than anticipated.  We were close to 45 minutes from downtown and now only have 30 minutes to get there on-time.  So I decided to drive like some sort of Nascar driver down the shoreway to Playhouse Square.

I slid our overweight beast of an SUV into the undersized parking space.  It's like trying to put on a pair of pants from high school.  Sure I could slip them on, but I wouldn't wear them out anywhere.

Jenn was hauling ass towards the theater entrance.  She is not a fan of arriving late, but then again, we have arrived late twice to the theater.  Once during Phantom of the Opera, and now this time.  As we hauled ass down the stairs to the walkway of the theater I noticed something.  I noticed amid all the Jaguars, Mercedes, and BMW's a vehicle that surely did not fit in.

The Lincoln Mark LT pickup truck.  Yeah, I know.  Lincoln made a pick-up truck?  As we passed a sign pointing us to the walkway to the theater, I was thinking, if you drive a Lincoln pick-up truck, does that make you high class white trash?

We arrived so late we had to sit in temporary seats in the back of the house until intermission.  Intermission hits and Jenn ran to the bathroom as she skipped the stop on the way in, because she didn't want to be later than we already were.

As we found our real seats Jenn pointed out something striking.  People were coming back to their seats from intermission with snacks.  Soft pretzels, M&M's, Pepsi's, Water, and popcorn.  Since when did they let food into the theater?  I remember a time you were banished to the lobby to eat your intermission snack, but here I sat, in a crowded theater, with the lady next to me spilling into my seat as she noshed down a bag of M&M's.

Call me old fashioned, but food, snacks, and drinks do not have a place in the theater.  It is too distracting. As you are enjoying the climax of the production, you hear little Jimmy behind you burp after sucking down his soda.  You strain to hear the actor over the lady next to you as she shoves the remaining M&M's in her mouth.  Distractions.  If you cannot enter a theater during the opening number, you shouldn't be able to sit in the theater chomping down on snacks that have no business being outside a stadium.

To go one step further, you can make a correlation between snackers and jean wearers.  Don't even get me started on THAT subject.

So next time you go to the theater, leave the snacks in the lobby, down your drinks early, and if you cannot sit through 2 hours of theater without shoveling in empty carbs, than you have a bigger problem than hunger.


Laura said...

I wish I got to go to the theater more myself. I like the analogy of reading a book and watching a movie at the same time.

I agree about the candy etc. can't we have one "classy" place left. When I was in the West End London last Dec. I saw a play and it was the same thing. I won't rile you about jeans again Adam ;)

But how was the play, the acting the music?

Will Burke said...

As a writer and a Podcaster, have you thought about doing your own 'Radio Serial'?
And yes, have a little class, people!