So, it being Wednesday and a day AFTER Justifiable Homicide Tuesday, I figured I would chime in on a hot subject. Frivolous lawsuits.
If I see one more ad on daytime television talking about how this lawyer will "make them pay" I will slit my wrists and bleed on the 1000 thread count Egyptian Cotton sheets I might find somewhere.. The modern day advertising equivalent to ambulance chasers. So while people are having lawyers sue companies for whatever, I am making a list of people to sue.
Today, my target is my beloved Browns.
All you football fans out there, Cleveland says you're welcome.
In 1995, Cleveland lost its team as they knew it. Art Modell lacked the business acumen to secure a new stadium and the political clout to get the help to make it happen, but I am pretty sure he just never asked for help either, so he moved the team to Baltimore. He was forced to leave the team color, name, and history at the door, and Cleveland said, with a middle finger up, "Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out."
In 1999, the Cleveland Browns came back. With an expansion draft under its belt, they came back to a sold out stadium. But what they didn't have were the ticks in the win column.
Flash forward. Its now 2009. A decade later and the Browns have yet to make it past a division playoff game. Shit, I would like to string together 2 winning seasons.
So I'm suing the Cleveland Browns. When I have the opportunity, I will devoutly watch the Browns consistently lose on Sunday. According to my wife, it seems as though I developed a drinking habit. When they lose I tend to have more than 3 drinks and when they win, I am too excited to drink, or confused because frankly, it doesn't happen all that often.
I'm filing suit on the Cleveland Browns for leading me to drink. Start winning, I might settle out of court.
Yarn and... teeth.
2 years ago