Sunday, November 29, 2009

Call of Duty [Guest Post from Through the Grapevines]

Today's blog come from Ashley over at Through the Grapevines.  To tell you the truth, I had no idea what to expect.  She was a recent addition to my blog roll and I must say, I have enjoyed her posts. What she came up with is just plain funny, and sad, but mainly funny. 


Her blog today is filled with hilarity and a Call of Duty obsession.  By obsession I mean---well nevermind just read it.


--Adam

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{Hi. You’ve reached the voicemail of Adam from Throwing Quarters. Sorry he’s not available to take your call right now. Please leave a message after the beep.}


I’ve got to admit, when Adam asked me to write a guest post here, I may have peed my pants a little! (read the true blogosphere fairy tale here) In all seriousness though, I’m so honored to be given such a great platform for my voice today. I’m just a little old  unknown blogger with a whole lot of opinions! I hope my post today inspires you and, at the very least, entertains you. If you’re interested in reading more, you can follow my blog, Through the Grapevines or stalk  me on Twitter.


I know that hate is a really strong word, but I really hate video games. (Oh hello, hate mail?) I hate the stupid sounds. I hate the unrealistic graphics. I pretty much hate everything about them. Most importantly, I hate being ignored when my boyfriend has the Playstation controller in his hand! I am seriously convinced that it’s some sort of top-secret CIA shit that blocks women’s voices.

Exhibit A:
The other night, our guest bathroom toilet completely started overflowing & flooding our house. Since I suck at emergency type situations, I start panicking instead of thinking to turn the water off..


Me: &@#%^WDJAHSFVJ@&@!!!! FLOODINGGGG!! HURRYYY!!!!
D: ..........click click click........
Me: HELLO?! OUR HOUSE IS FLOODING & I NEED HELP PLEASE!
D: ..............................
Me: IT’S FLOWING INTO THE BEDROOMS! RUNNING OUT OF TOWELS!
D: ......... BALLS. I have to bomb this airport first!


Don’t get me wrong, guys. I’ve really tried to tolerate video games. I’ve even purchased D a nice, QUIET, relaxing Tiger Woods golf game. (Let’s face it, the sounds of AK-47‘s and football whistles aren’t exactly soothing after a long work day.) I had high hopes of polo shirts, sunny days, and chirping birds. Instead, I hear, “AHHH MANNNNN! COME ON YOU PIECE OF SHITTTTT!!! GO IN THE HOLE!!!” and possibly a controller bouncing on the tiled floor. (Why didn’t it just break?! FML)

The inspiration of this blog post was derived after coming home to find D playing Call of Duty in full army fatigue with all of the blinds closed... For 4 hours.

Ladies- do you feel my pain? Gents- put.the.controller.down!

7 comments:

Vodka Logic said...

Funny, but I don't feel your pain. My husband has never played a video game. I have even bought some I thought he would enjoy.. no luck. I play less than I used to but I do like them. I don't play the war games though. My youngest on the other hand loves her XBox.

These days I prefer the hand held Di and word games..

Sorry this isn't helping you at all is it...Good luck.

Just Jules said...

Grab a suitcase - your favorite shoes and purse and run ... do not look back. I am not kidding. This is not something that will change - nor will it get better. The issues will just get larger... baby throwing up and bleeding but he will have to finish the next round until he can help. You think I kid---> I'M NOT!

I do love your writing and your style. so pleased I found your blog through our mutual friend.

ashley said...

Is it wrong to comment on your own post?! Ha!

TY for the comments & compliments, ladies!

Will Burke said...

Ashley, that was great! I stopped by "...Grapevine," and your open letter to retailers hooked me! Cheers!

magda said...

Thanks to Laura at VL, I found myself here today. Have not yet read any of Adam's posts since I am too enamored by his guests. You know, if it is not the video game keeping him from hearing you, it will be something else. Know what I mean? My husband is no gamer, but seriously, selective hearing is a legitimate ailment. If from another room I whispered, "I'd like to lick you all over" which i never would or have, he would be present and willing before i finish my sentence. When our babies (or I) cry at his feet in need, nothing. To his credit, he responds when I corner him with the undeniably firm and direct request; staring into his eyes with my humble smile while using a tone intended for an obstinate 8 year old. I pretend to be begging but i think he knows I am challenging him to choose between being a caring father and husband or a selfish asshole. Sometimes he opts for the sexless days and nights of being an asshole. I am excited to check out your blog.

ashley said...

Thanks so much everyone, for the great responses! Now if only I could figure out how to reply to each & every one of you.. hmm

Elizabeth said...

I'm pretty sure this story has played out all over America at some time! Love your interpretation.