Friday, July 3, 2009

Super Sized Baby Making Dinner

Settle down. I will explain the title.

It seems as though my days off [well in the case of July it's just 'day off'] I have had a habit of doing projects around the house and while I do it, I watch some sort of documentary. Netflix and the S-Video cable that my friend Pat bought has come in handy. Now I can interface the computer into the television and 'project' my video onto the big screen [read: not that big].

In the morning I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. Ever do that? Yeah I know. You wake up, rub the sleep out of your eyes and meet yourself in the mirror for a good scare. The ghastly pallor glow of my skin is something you can get if you never see the sunlight, which is something I have been lacking. Getting a house that is 100% not baby ready into shape to handle a newborn is really tough work. It also keeps me indoors on my days off.

Nothing like a good scare in the mirror in the morning to get the blood going. I noticed something incredible. I am not young and skinny anymore, but more older and tubby. My wife says that I am not fat, but a bit out of shape. To a guy, that means, you're fat. Just like women, guys can be just as self conscious with their weight and image. Now for fear of being called a [add in your homosexual slur here] I am going to leave it there and move on.

So with what I am looking back at, into the mirror, is an older paunchy self. Not happy with what I see, I begin looking at ways to explain the additional weight. I chalk it up to the wifey being pregnant, and I move on.

So project 1 was to get a crib from Babies R Us. Now it seems pretty straight forward right? No. It's not that easy. I logged onto our registry and tried to see if I could order the crib online and pick it up at the store. The answer there is no. So I said, screw that, I will just order it. I was met with a $75.00 shipping charge plus $25 in tax, easily adding $100 to the crib. So in a last ditch effort, I called the store. I should have recognized the Omen when the woman answered the phone and called it quits, but I love being punished I guess.

I talked with the woman on the phone and she asked if I had an 'item' number. I read the 5 digit number to the woman, and she said that it needs to be 6 digits. So I added a zero and repeated the number back. Still nothing. So she said she could pull up the registry and read it from there, and so I spelled the last name, and of course, she didn't listen and misspelled it. So when she couldn't find the crib I got a bit angry. She realized her mistake and spelled the name correctly and like some sort of Christmas miracle she finds the LAST crib in stock.

By the time I got there, 3 hours later, they still hadn't moved the crib up, and once again, they were searching for a crib. I tell the woman how to spell my last name, again, and again, she types in what she feels like, and after 20 minutes of searching, they find the crib.

Now why didn't I just leave? Because the wife wanted THAT crib. If I didn't get THAT crib, it would force me to go to ANOTHER store and walk around and pick out ANOTHER crib. Not to mention the wife would be upset. So it's a matter of hassle.

Now that the crib was finally bought, back home to get the house ready for dinner.

We had some friends come over last night for dinner. The laundry had to be put away, dishes had to be washed, and chicken to be skinned and seasoned.

The evening's menu was pretty simple. Grilled garlic chicken, hot dogs, roasted red skin potatoes, and sauteed green beans with cole slaw.

But prepping this, I needed to listen, because watching is usually impossible. So I threw on a documentary. Super Size Me. I had not watched it at all, and had only heard about it.

So as I watched the movie and worked in the kitchen, I watched Morgan Spurlock stuff his face with McDonald's for 3 meals a day for the next 30 days. I'm sure he wanted it to be disgusting and in your face, and that is exactly what he got.

It is also what we needed. He argued that there was a fundamental current instilled in our children at a young age. He proved his point by showing pictures of our first president, Jesus Christ, and then Ronald McDonald. Most didn't name the first 2 on sight, but 100% knew who Ronald McDonald was. Disturbing.

As I prepped chicken and was revolted by my growing belly, it got me thinking all about the decisions I make in my daily life, that could look wrong to a child. The running to McDonald's when I am running late to eat, or being too lazy to cook and getting something from a drive thru, what was this doing to my daughter? It's no secret that we go out to eat often, but we often go to restaurants that serve fresh food. There is always vegetables, no soda, and protein, except when we hit McDonald's. After watching Morgan throw up a quarter pounder with cheese and 42 ounce Coke, I was done. No more, for a long time.

Just before our friends showed up, I put on another documentary. It was called, 'The Business of being Born'. It was a Rickey Lake documentary that argued that modern day Obstetrics is nothing more than a trained surgeon trying to cut you open and take the baby out. It also argued that natural child birth is a right of passage and incinuated that if you do not take this journey, then you are not 'woman' enough to have children. They argue that all the drugs they pump you up with are designed to make you forget about child birth as well as not feel it.

This kind of agrument makes about as much sense as the phone call we got from our neighbor today requesting we take the sound making machine out of her house that we planted there to bother her and her dog. This is a whole other story for a different day.

But, in my opinion, Rickey Lake's left wing feminist, bra burning grand standing really has no basis. They cited growing 'C-section' rates among women in New York. I, also, have asked the question, isn't it alarming that women are just cutting themselves open to have kids? Yes, it is, but there is also a reason. One thing Rickey Lake didn't cite was the ages of all the women. As the 'C-Section' rate climbed, so did the rate of the ages. 20 years ago the average age of women having kids was in their early 20's. Now that average age, dispite teen pregnancy, has gone UP in age. Women in their mid to late 30's deciding to stop their careers to have children has grown. I think omitting this point in this documentary is just wrong.

Women are given such conflicting information about what is 'right' and what is 'wrong' that Jenn has decided to stay as ignorant as possible. She has stuck to 1 book that gives you advice, but not rules about child birth. It gives her some things to expect, and what she needs to look for, but it isn't a seris of book designed to scare her. Jenn knows what to expect, and she just wants her instincts to take her there, with guidance from her OB/GYN. Her OB isn't telling her what she needs to do, but just answering questions and letting Jenn decide what she wants to do.

I can tell you that it's not a pure natural child birth. Jenn has no problem with drugs. We were both born to mothers who had pain kiling IV's. We are fine, except that I am crazy.

Child birth took up most of the dinner converstation with our friends, and I can't say that it wasn't all that bad. The food was good. Conversation was spirited at times, and we all came to the conclusion that Rickey Lake is crazy.

So in 24 hours I have decided that fast food needs to be cut back on in my diet, our baby is coming faster than we thought, and dinner was fantastic! Jenn is starting to get a little supersized her self, but then again, pregnancy does that! I can't wait to post pictures!

6 comments:

LouDuk said...

Forget people if they call you a homo, guys should have an open and frank discussion about self image issues. I am an overweight high shcool guy, and I play three varsity sports. I never realized how self conscious I was until I had to jump into a pool in a speedo. Being overweight, that was not fun, but I swim fast, so it was all okay in the end.

Shawnee's Girl said...

I would have to believe that Rickey Lake has never given birth. That HURTS! I wanted the drugs, and do NOT feel like less of a woman because of it. I am glad Jenn is doing well with the pregnancy. I found I tried so hard to figure out what to do with the baby after his birth that once he got here, I always felt like I was doing something wrong. (Doing better now though :D) Dinner sounded great. Wish we could have had some!

~K said...

First off dude you are a total Queen! Ok ok I am just kidding. I would say you are more Metro than anything:-D!

Now take it from someone who has lost 240 lbs. You need to do two things and it is simple really, but it takes some effort. 1) Get a regular exercise program. I know easier said than done, but you are carrying a sympathy pregnancy and I carried four four of them. It HAS to happen or it wil never be successful. Find things you love Basketball, Softball, martial arts...whatever and join one of them. Join something that will force you to work out. Don't just join a gym and hope for the best. Also don't leave out weight training. I know you don't want to be Mr. Olympia, but lean muscle mass burns fat all day long whereas aerobics only does it for a couple of hours after you are done. Lean muscle mass also considerably jacks your metabolism. Keep in mind after the baby is born this a good opportunity to bond with your wife and she is probably going to eventually want to exercise too. Find stuff you can do together.

next you need to really start looking at what you are eating and your calorie intake. This is an eye opener for most people . I recommend myfooddiary.com It is 9.00 a month, but wort it. I Think they do the best job of any online food diary. If you want free use fitday.com

Good Luck my pudgy white friend! :-)

Julie said...

You guys could totally come spinning with me in Mondays!!! It would be fun. :-)

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