I don't feel 'good'

We all have those people we see, work with, and talk to on a daily basis. They are usually the last one to the meeting, or the over zealous friend that you hang with, or even yourself.

They are asked to participate in anything, and what happens? They don't want to. But instead of saying they don't want to, they quickly look for an excuse to get out of what ever it is you are asking them to do. The most commonly used line in the arsenal, "I don't feel good."

This line is especially useful in morning meetings where we have to be chipper and involved, but we are still shaking off the sleep, and this is usually around people you are totally comfortable with. Don't act like you have never used this line. You have. And you do it well.

What drives us to use this line? Is it because we truly don't feel well? If that were the case, then why didn't we phone the boss and tell them I don't feel well? Why did we even roll out of bed? If I truly felt like I couldn't participate at work, then I would just not go, phone the boss, and not go. If I felt I could not hang with you, then I wouldn't hang. If I truly didn't feel good, then I would not be doing, whatever it is I found myself doing that early in the morning.

Is it because we want to act like we have an active social calendar? The line would be, "I don't feel good..." then leave the phrase open with a small smile. It would lead me to believe that you went out last night and partied you ass off. If that were the case, then I would look at you with disdain. Wow, you knew you had to get up early this morning, and you went out and got wasted. Nice work. Real responsible. Oh wait, you want sympathy from me, so you can get out of something? I don't think so. Why are you wasting my time with your irresponsibility?

So as we sit back and observe this human condition, let's get off that clutch phrase, 'I don't feel good.' and call a spade a spade.

I'm lazy, I don't want to, call on someone else.

The 'OFF' day

I woke up this morning with a certain daze one could only get by sleeping next to an uncomfortable pregnant woman. I don't hold that against her, and I can't wait for her torture of pregnancy to end so we can enjoy the life that comes at the end of it, but for now, sound sleeping is not something I have been coming by. It could be a good thing. It's like my training camp for fathering an infant.

This morning I woke up to the same noise I have been waking up to since I was in grade school; the alarm clock. The dreaded piece of machinery that keeps the American work force on time. I got out of bed after hitting snooze a few [5] times and after a while got out of bed and started to get ready for work. I was wiping the sleep from my eyes with the use of a warm shower. I casually walked down the stairs to the kitchen. I had almost an hour to finish getting ready. I was feeling good. I grabbed the coffee and filters and started to put together my reprieve from lethargy.

I noticed my work blackberry on the counter. It was flashing at me with it's red LED indicator letting me know that there was a message waiting. I grabbed it up. It was unusual to get a message this early in the day from a boss.

Well it turns out this message was from the night before. They changed the time of the meeting to 7:30am. I panicked. I glance at the clock. I am still wet from the shower and only in my boxers and under shirt. It was 7:30am. Holy hell. I'm late.

I slammed the reply button on the phone so hard I thought I might break the screen. I punched out a text message to my boss and started to gather my shirt and tie for the day. I was in 'hurry the fuck up mode'.

I ironed the shirt, brushed my teeth, did the hair, and after hurriedly getting my clothes on, was out the door after a quick peck on my sleeping wife's cheek. Time seems to move in fast forward when you are late. It is just father time letting you know you messed up. He is further punctuating the fact that you are late.

I finally got to work, 28 minutes late. I hate being late. It throws off the rest of your day.

After the meeting [abbreviated for me] I realized I had over 90 minutes before the start of my shift. So I reached to grab my moleskine from my pocket to write down some thoughts on my up coming interview with Adam Taylor. I dug into my pocket and grabbed nothing but lint. The moleskine was not there. Where the hell was it?

As I start to panic even more, I realized that in my hast out the door this morning I left it in my work bag, with my laptop, with my book, with my life really. I just have my two blackberrys [work, personal] and my mind. For a writer with a certain MO [method of operation] this is cause for almost mini shut down. I am ready to blow a gasket.

Lucky for me, surrounded by the technology at my finger tips, I DO have a back up plan in place to get all my thoughts written down and recorded. My Blackberry. Voice recorders and notepads on these devices are great tools, but it is not my prefered method. It's great in a pinch, but there is a certin catharsis in physically writing down an idea. You can tell by the way you wrote the idea what kind of mood you were in. There is much more to writing an idea that capturing the words. The pen also can tell you how you were feeling. The slant on your 's' and heavy period at the end of a sentence. You know that when you go back and explore that idea, what kind of words you need to put in with it, to get the point across later.

I feel like a fish out of water today. Wednesday and Thursdays were my days off. Today is my off day.

A Part of me wants to rant.

I am just too frustrated with the situation still to talk about it.  It has nothing to do with mommy to be or Audrey, but with work.  Surprise surprise.  

Look for a blog tonight I think, if work hasn't kicked my ass again tonight.  I am worn out from putting my happy face on at work, when I am constantly being worn down from customers, bosses, and contradicting messages about helping current customers and new customers.  I will explain if I ever calm down, which I hope I do.  This nagging headache has been killing me for 2 days too.  

  

It's cold

Through out the last few days I have been lazy. I'm not talking don't get everything done lazy, I'm talking don't get off the couch lazy. I have two reasons for my laziness.

1. My wife is now pregnant and with all the changes going on with her, she has been tired, so thus I have been tired. Its a basic example of psychosemantic tranferance. I am not even sure that what I said really exists, but if it didn't before right now, I want a nickles everytime to use it.
2. My prego wife has also been sick with a cold. So she really isn't leaving the couch.
3. Its January in retail. Its slow in the malls and overall retail traffic is down. Unlike what happened in December, January isn't working out so well thus far. Traffic is down, my manager's mood is down, thus my mood is down.

My mood is low right now, but for the most part, I am happy. I mean I still have a job in the worst job market right now, and my wife and child are fantastic, and I have a new child on the way. Everything we have planned seems to be going the way it should, yet, I feel a loss.

I think it has to do with the fact I feel like I have seen the man behind the curtain. At work I know how people get their raises. I cannot tell you the details for fear I could get fired, but it isn't how I thought we got raises. How my company doles out money isn't bad. It's totally legit, but it's like going behind the scenes at Disney World and still expecting the be awestruck when you walk in again. I have been behind the scenes at Disney, but I haven't been back yet, so that analogy is not valid, but hey, I am sure it is close to the same thing. But you know what I am talking about. When you think something is so awesome and become disappointed when you see what really goes on. I cannot expand on this thought, but now you know.

Now a part of me is just plain mad at work too. Throughout the holidays, when things were going great at work, I was the shit. I was the irreplaceable leader of a team that would fall apart if I was not there. I couldn't be replaced for fear of a world wide collapse. Now after the holidays everything is back to the way it was. I am being scrutinized, put under a microscope, and left feeling like I am the worst boss on the planet. Without giving you the boring details, I feel like I am just a punching bag. A part of me wants to see the silver lining, but its hard to think positive when you get a Vander Holyfield body shot to your ribs. Everything at work is politics. Everything I say is used against me. It is a bad place to be in. Especially right now, with the job market the way it is, you cannot help but question yourself about everything. You are given twenty deadlines and if you miss 1 it turns into a catastrophe. I am just sick and tired of the uneven footing!

If you want to look at the silver lining, I have looked back at my performance as a boss. I have done well. I have hit my goals more often than not. When it comes down to it, the proof is in the pudding. Whether or not I get along with my boss is irrelevant, I can sell and do well regardless of the circumstances and so do the teams I manage, so that should give me enough confidence to withstand what ever kind of fire bombing that may come my way.

Time to close this blog down. It seems like it makes no sense, but only to me.

I have put in a request to be interviewed by an other blogger. Go visit her, she has a great blog and some great photos!

Talk about a crazy day!

I am currently sitting in a very very noisy party where I know absolutely no one but my wife and another friend of mine, Char and the host.

Right now Journey is playing very loudly on a an old school hi-fi system. You know the one that Patrick Bateman (played like a genius by Christian Bale) had in the movie American Psycho. Along with the loud music comes a lot of very drunk people attempting to dance.
[note to self: next time I am drunk, stay put in a seat. I can now see what everyone else sees when I drunk dance.]

Oh God, they started singing! Shoot me now!

I am huddled in a corner with my BlackBerry punching out this blog.

[wife just walked through the room 'dancing and singing' Journey is over, on to Abba's Dancing Queen]

The story of why I am here requires a story.

Today was a very busy Saturday. Retail this time of year is crazy, but today was the busiest day of the season by far! So I need to give you background. I sell mobile communication devices. More specifically I am a sales supervisor. So I manage a small staff in a mall kiosk.

[I am now in the car driving home. Thank God-]

In my industry there are 2 things that analysts use to judge success. New subscribers and Churn. New subscribers are a given, pretty self explanatory. Churn is just jargon for the rate in which current customers leave our company. Now Churn isn't something I can measure on a day to day basis. So when we set our goals, we only have new subscribers in mind. Don't get me wrong, current customers count too, but let's face it, growth is the name of the game. Keep the customers you have and attract new ones too. In this economy, if you can show growth, you are a part of a successful company.

With that being said, let me give you an idea of how busy it was today. On a typical Saturday, outside of the holidays, getting 6 new subscribers is a great day. During the holidays getting 10 new subscribers is great. Well today we added 23 new subscribers. It was so busy I didn't have time to think.

Its just one of those days where you just hold on for your life and wait for it to be over.

[I'm home now]

So I got to work about 12:30pm and left work about 11:30pm. 11 hours, a long day no matter how busy, but add 130% more customer traffic and you have a very busy day. Oh, yeah, almost forgot, I was up at 6am with my daughter and her friend. 6 year old sleep overs are not for the faint of heart. So, I've been up for a while. [I cooked Audrey and company pancakes. They rocked if I must say so myself!]

About 10:30 my wife tells me that she is going to a Christmas party and would like me to come along. Reluctantly I accept and when I leave work I go to this party. I trek halfway across the state, or so it feels.

Now this party is being thrown by a friend of ours, a common pleas judge for a neighboring city. To say this guy throws one hell of a party in an understatement. I walk into this house looking for my wife. She was no where to be found. Wading through the crowd felt like I was in a movie. Think Can't Hardly Wait, but with older, more drunk people, and what they were getting drunk on was not cheap keg beer. Most of these people make a decent amount of money. These people work hard, and my god they play hard. I knew the host, and 2 other people. I was not having fun. When one arrives to a party as late as I did, its like coming into a child birth to watch the placenta hit the floor. The beautiful part is over, now all that is left is sloppy seconds.

So now that its nearly 2am, its time to end my day and go to bed!
The only great thing about busy days are that I get paid on commission. Let the crowds come!

At the end of a long day

This weekend in retail is what we insiders call the 'mad dash'. It's when last minute shoppers run to the mall and shop and shop and shop and shop. The weekend before Christmas is historically worse than Black Friday. The volume is higher, the hours are typically longer, and the deals this year seem to be better.

Retail this time of year is the equivalent to 14 hour shifts at the plant. I am one of the fortunate that was blessed with the ability to bullshit, so I make a great salesman. My Grandfather, Father, and anyone before me in my family had to work. I don't have to work. I mean I go to work, but I get paid to talk all day. I get paid to tell people what they want. How awesome is America?

Well today was a pretty long day. I worked from 1pm to 11:3opm tonight, and I am beat. Not as much as the wife is right now. I came home and I find my 6 year old passed out on the couch, my daughter's friend sitting on the couch disappointed that her hostess couldn't hang much past 10pm, my dog running around the house all freaked out, and my wife is sitting the chair worn ragged from the kids and dog. This is Audrey's first sleep over, so the wife wasn't sure what to expect. I think she bit off more than she could chew. The next one, I don't think I am going to be allowed to work.

Of all the times I wish I had a camera ready, it would have been tonight when I got home to capture that scene. I wish I could have gotten it, but you win some and you lose some.

After changing into some comfy clothes, putting Audrey and her friend to bed, I poured myself a drink. Isn't always nice at the end of a long day, to have that one drink you always love?

Bourbon and water is my poison. I am pretty sure my wife needed it more than I. I'm sure if she could have found the corkscrew, the case of wine we just bought would have been gone.

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