Thursday, October 1, 2009

It's not a midlife crisis [Crazy Neighbor Update]

My last post was NOT a midlife crisis. It was an honest self assessment of the goals I had in front of me, and the lack of success I had at executing the plans for these goals.

My goals were great, but my execution was not there. It wasn't me telling you that I am having a midlife crisis, it was me stating a fact. I cannot get past the glass ceiling I have been running into unless I get a 4 year degree. It wasn't saying I was a failure. It was me not accepting my current situation. It was me doing the opposite of saying, "Oh well, I had better get happy with where I can go." Many people would be happy with the salary I get paid. I am not. I want more. I want to do more.

So enough with old news. I have some juicy news.

Many many many many of you have asked over and over and over and over again about my crazy neighbor.

Well, I have some news.

After I wrote that post, with the help of my condo owners and the Police Department, I sent her a certified cease and desist order. It is basically a letter that states that she is to have ZERO contact with me or my family and if she continues to pound on our common wall, we will be forced to call the police, yet again.

So, once she has signed for this letter and she makes a peep and I call the police, they don't just go over there and talk to her, like they have been. They will go over there and arrest her, then commit her, and then I can rest easy.

So I am happy to say that she has remained about as quiet as a picture of a mouse. I mean she has been that quiet.

If she is leaving her house and I am leaving mine, she walks away and goes in the opposite direction. Everything has been great.

Well yesterday my wife got a call. It was the same, very helpful and very nice, condo association lady that we have been talking to. She was just letting Wifey know that she was not running for reelection for the board, and that she hopes all is well, but the last order of business was to announce to the member of the condo association of the arrival of Addison in the newsletter they send out.

During the conversation she got to talking with Wifey and she spilled a bit more beans than she wanted to.

I guess my neighbor has not curbed her habit of writing letters about the noises she is hearing. It seems as though she has accepted that the noises are not coming from me or the sound effect machine I have allegedly placed within the walls of her condo.

So the condo association lady got a call from [are you ready? Hope you can follow along] the daughter of the owner of the builder who built the condo complex. Yeah I know. What the fuck is she doing writing to her? Apparently she thinks that this woman will have a sympathetic ear so the Crazy Lady wrote her a letter.

She offered some new theories as to where the sound effect machine is coming from. Turns out, like I said before, she has accepted that it was not me. So she then went back to the builder, well at least his daughter [I am sure she is now calling the phone company to pull her listing OUT of the phonebook] of the builder. She said she is confident that the sounds are coming from outer space.

When the fuck did Tom Cruise and John Travolta come and visit her? Is she the mother of L. Ron Hubbard? My God!

I swear to God this shit only happens to me.


~K said... is your fucking chance!! You go to the hobby store and buy one of those remote control UFO's put a little more glow paint and a speaker on it...hover it outside her window and start giving her voice commands. Like start with seeing if you can get her to paint all the insides of her windows purple then work your way up from there! "THis ia Zoltar from Space Command crazy lady..if you do not cut all your plants in half the Universe will be lost to the Zerg!"

Vodka Logic said...

What he said ^^

And if you send John Travolta anywhere send him to me. I'll just forget about the Scientology bit for awhile.

Ekanthapadhikan said...

You do have the craziest neighbour one can ever imagine of!

Anonymous said...

Back when I was a social worker, I had a client who refused to throw any of her garbage away for two weeks and was keeping her urine and bowel movements in jars in her closet. She thought the "people" after her would search her garbage and analyze her waste. She refused to go to the hospital. Needless to say, the neighbors called the police because of the horrid smell coming from her apartment. could be worse, but I feel for you b/c I worked with those ppl. for two years.

Will Burke said...

I was wondering about CNL, but did't think it would have escalated to aliens! She's not really crazy, she's trying to ask you for a probing without tipping Wifey off! It all makes sense!

Just Jules said...

well, that is because all the rest of us ARE the crazy lady :)

Just Jules said...

ok, just read k's comment - HAHAHAHAAAA!

Anonymous said...

Wow. This woman needs some serious help. It's sad that people like this are out there just writing letters to whomever will read them...or not read them.

At least she doesn't think you're in charge of the sounds anymore.

Anonymous said...

Gotta love the scientologist things(people)...