Something worse than........

There is nothing in this world that says, suburbia than a mini-van full of kids and a bag full of soccer equipment. Soccer Mom's and Dad's are all the rage these days. They are getting all the credit for being over reactive, snooty, and even rich and arrogant.

I have found yet an new class of snob.

Dictionary.com defines snob as:

Snob:

1.	a person who imitates, cultivates, or slavishly admires social superiors and is condescending or overbearing to others.

2.	a person who believes himself or herself an expert or connoisseur in a given field and is condescending toward or disdainful of those who hold other opinions or have different tastes regarding this field: a musical snob.

When you read Soccer Mom or Soccer Dad, read, Soccer Snob. Its unisex. This word doesn't discriminate.

Every Wednesday I take my daughter to cheer practice. I have heard my wife, my wife's friends, and even my ex-wife talk about the Cheer Mom's. Now there are not a lot of Cheer Dad's. The Cheer Dad's that are there, like myself, are just quiet because getting on a Cheer Mom's bad side, is much like throwing yourself on a grenade to save al-Queda. But I keep hearing Cheer Mom's this and Cheer Mom's that. I think it is time to tell the world what the dark under belly of competition cheerleading is.

I have come to reduce being a Cheer Mom is the realization that you have 3 kids, have a husband who makes a little money, and used to be the hottest thing in high school/college. You used to be on the cheer squad, get all the hot football players, and somewhere after the freshman 15 and then the mommy pouch 30, you lost that look, and your hot football player boyfriend turned into the couch potato husband who drinks a 6 pack a day and can't keep it up to get you off anymore, and then to capture the magic of yester-year, you push you young daughter into the world of competition cheerleading, so she can somehow live the life you haven't lived. The purpose for Cheer Mom is to live through their child.

Today at cheer practice I have learned that Cheer Mom's are the nastiest things in this world. I sat in the bleachers at practice with the other Cheer Mom' for the first time, ever. They didn't know who I was, but I knew who they were. I knew that mommy #1 in the corner with the muffin top is in the mom of the nice talented girl in the front row. I knew that mommy #2 with the laptop and the Mercedes out front, is the adopted mother of the only black girls on my daughter's team. These ladies, didn't know me. If they knew me, they didn't talk to me.

I sat in the back row and observed the practice. It was pretty rough. The girls didn't know the routine and were making simple mistakes. The mom's would watch and try and coach their respective kids via hand signals and head nods. I did nothing to help my daughter. She didn't need to be looking at me to learn, she needs to look to the coach. Now my daughter was making a lot of mistakes, but was not the only one making mistakes. Everytime my daughter made a mistake, the mom's would talk. I couldn't hear them so I sat closer. Now that I could hear, it was clear they were not happy with the progress of my daughter's skills. Now when it comes to my daughter, I get a little defensive.

I reserved space in my blog for my response because I lack the balls, and have a conscience about the attitudes of adults infront of children to say what I really feel at practice.

Hey fat ugly has been sitting on the bench. Shut the fuck up! You and your nice car, nice hair cut, but fat ass muffin top need to take you and your attitude and shove it up your ass. You sit here all high and mighty talking about how MY daughter's mistakes, but you overlook the mistakes of your flesh and blood. You are not in high school and if you were any good at being a cheerleader, then you would still be doung it, but your not. You are sitting on your ass at home day in and day out, washing the socks of your fat and lazy husband, and you're miserable. Don't take your frustrations at your failure in life our on my daughter. Take you and your opinions and get a fucking job and contribute to this economy because you are the reason we are in this recession!

Whew, I feel better. Stupid bitches.

Unformated, Stream of Consciousness Rambling

I type this from the business center in a Courtyard Marriott in Dublin, Ohio.  I have to mention that because who ever monitors this computer for them might get mad that I have monopolized this computer for too long and I have to give them a mention so I can continue to type.

 

I am in Dublin on business.  I am away from my family, friends, and comfortable home.  The Marriott (keep me plugged in) is not a bad place to spend your days, but I always miss home. 

 

The business I have in Dublin is training for the position I hold.  I am, for lack of a better word, a middle manager.  I am not a high level executive, nor am I just a sales rep.  I am in the gray area, where I have the responsibility to grow sales numbers as a person, and also as a team.  Before I get off track, I am here to learn how my Multi-Billion dollar company wants me to train the employees that work under my direction.  I am also here to learn how the business works and more specifically, how our company is different than the competition in the way we decide to conduct business.

 

Today was the first time I learned something new in a training class.

 

Today I learned that our CEO, wants us(read: every single person who works for the company) to be business people first, and sales people second.  He wants us to see that big picture.  He wants us to see where our money comes from, what we do with our money, and why we do it. 

 

The bottom line in business is always money.  The more you have, the more stability you have.  The more stability you have, the more control you have over growth. 

 

Now I am not an expert in business by any means.  I am just a humble pawn in a very very large game of chess.

 

I am energized by this class, and makes me want to put together the mechanism for a successful business for myself.

 

--switch gears for a second--

 

The economy.

 

This financial crisis has us all in a worry.  I used to think that this crisis did not affect me.  I thought it only affected Wall St. and very, already, rich CEO's.  I am finding more and more that this crisis affects me a lot. 

 

I am trying to secure financing for my condo.  My credit is just ok, and my income is just ok.  When it comes to a bank to loan me money, with this credit crunch, they are going back to make sure I am going to pay it.  I have money in the bank, but they want to know where that money came from.  I have defaulted judgements, and they want to know why they defaulted.  They want bank statements, W-2's tax returns, and verification that I have a job. 

 

This doesn't sound different from before the crisis?  They wanted all this stuff?  Yes.  But what banks were doing was accepting other forms, like plan B documents.  Can't get a canceled check for that deposit?  Fine, then we can take the statement saying it cleared your bank. 

 

Unfortunately now that they are really strict, this makes my situation even harder.  I have to get all this, what I think is stupid stuff, and give it to them, for them to give me money.  I meet all the criteria for the loan, but they just want to know how I got to this point.  Awesome.  The bank just wants the loans they give back.  But when did it start to feel like the Spanish Inquisition? 

 

--switch the subject again--

 

The debates last night did nothing to help me solidify my decision for president.  Through the debates I only heard McCain talk about challenging his own party, and Barack only blame the Bush Administration for the problems we face today.  The both of them were asked to outline the plans they have.  Neither candidate did.  I didn't hear Barack tell the audience that his action plan to fix health care was to do "x,y,z."  I heard, "Health care is something that is important to all Americans.  I feel that insurance companies should cover pre-existing condition's, and that everyone should have Health Care.  I feel that Americans have the right to choose who provides them Health Care."  That's really great Obama, but I see your vision, but what I don't see is your steps to get there, so your vision means shit to my investment dollars.  Unless I get a return on my investment, take your vision and shove it up your ass. 

 

Tom Brokaw asked a direct question to each candidate about who they feel would be their Treasury Secretary.  John McCain was the only person who gave names.  Obama did not.  Obama said that Warren Buffett would be great, then he went off and said that the Bush administration is to blame for our hard times. 

 

So based on what little I know about their plans, they both suck.

 

--full circle--

 

After taking this class, it gave me the big picture on government, business, and finances. 

 

If we were keeping track of our budget, then we need to see America's financial statements.  We, as American Citizens, need to view the statement of our government and give it a good look over.  I want to call the IRS and ask to see the last 2 years of Annual Reports for America.  I bet you they would never give me that information. 

 

I want to see how much America is bringing in with TAX dollars, and how much it is making in investments.  I want to see what I can do to help our economy.  I don't want to be told what I have to do, I want to find out for myself.  I want to take the control of our money out of the hands of my government, and into the hands of me. 

 

Why do we put the trust of our money into the hands of those who are not educated about economics.  If we are just going to give it to someone who has a degree is politics, then I would rather I take the Budget of America to my accountant and have him look it over. 

 

Let's take a look at the cash flow statements, balance sheets, and profit/loss statements.  I can tell you that if more Americans learned how to read those kinds of documents, like I learned today, we wouldn't be where we are today.  But government seems to be in the business of keeping us stupid and in the dark.  It seems like it is in the business of telling us what is a good investment and a bad investment. 

 

I just want to know where my money is going so I can call my representative and tell him how I feel.  I want to become part of the process.  I never had a member of Congress how I felt about anything.  Even if he did ask me about a program he wants to support, I wouldn't know about it. 

 

I need to stop being so ignorant!

 

 

Mom, Dad, I got you a gift, its called 5 to 10. Merry Christmas!

Driving Audrey to school this morning I was listening to Q104. Today a story broke in Garfield Hts, Ohio regarding a weapon, a student, and a locker. There was a note, phone call, and what some parents call a lack of response.

It goes without saying that firearms at school will get a response out of the general public. When you mix that with a suburban school district where there are stay at home mothers, a response is like breathing.

The first caller was a parent of a child in that school. She said she got a phone call saying an incident happened and to expect a note. She liked that. Her voice went to nagging stay at home mom mode when she said the school didn't do enough. The school has a responsibility to keep out kids safe, the school has to do this and that. I wanted to drive my car into the ditch just to shut her up.

The administrators are trained to handle this situation, we are not. I would give this woman more credibility if she said she was a police officer, or even a hall monitor, but she isn't. She is a stay at home mother with nothing better to do than second guess people from the arm chair of her over sized SUV.

No one got shot at this school. A gun was found, in a locker, not loaded. The student was arrested, no ammunition was found, and life goes on. Is it serious a gun was found at school? Absolutely. But to sit around and say the school didn't do enough is absurd. Your children don't have bullets in them, so sit back and take a deep breath.

Now the parents of this gun toting child need to be detained. They have a responsibility to know what their kids are up to. Parents need to be the proverbial CIA to their kids.

There are tons of parents who are not involved with what their kids are doing and it drives me nuts. If my daughter even had the opportunity to touch a gun, what would go through her head is, what is Dad going to do if he finds out? It isn't going to be, wonder if I will go to jail. My reaction should be enough to detour her.

I work in retail. I see little brats all day who think they are entitled to whatever their little heart desires. They talk to their parents with such disdain that its hard not to correct them and tell them that they need to show some respect. What drives me even more nuts are the parents who allow their kids to act like this in public.

There are a lot of parents who let their kids talk to them with a sharp tongue, but if I would talk to them that way, they would get all bent out of shape.

Personally, I loved it when parents were fined for their kids skipping schools a few years ago!

I think if a child brings a gun to school, first thing that should happen is arrest the child and parents. If the child is found guilty, then so should the parents, unless this child got this gun somewhere the parents supervision wasn't there. If the parents supervision isn't there, the adult who was present at the time goes to jail. This will account for kids going to a friends house and taking their friend's stuff.

Hold the parents accountable! Stop second guessing your schools administrators.

Hope your broker's plan B isn't to jump out the window

There are 2 reasons for this blog.

1. To test the ability to post a blog by e-mail from my BlackBerry.

2. To address how this 'financial crisis' is effecting me.

If you are reading this blog, then, the ability to post via e-mail worked.

So how is this financial crisis effecting me?

Well to understand how this crisis effects me, one has to understand the crisis.

This crisis is because there are a ton of banks that wrote a bunch of bad loans. No one was watching who these banks were lending to, and there are a lot of loans that are now going unpaid.

So banks aren't collecting on their loans so they are no longer loaning money out, or they are looking at who wants the money a little closer and its harder to get the loans people need. So now that no one is getting loans, they are holding onto their cash. Now regular consumers aren't investing/buying consumer goods, the markets are losing value because the general public has pulled their money out of the market, you see all these sell off's and the markets crash.

This effects all of us. Do you need a credit card? Good luck trying to get one. Trying to buy a house? Good luck.

This is how I am being effected the most. After a year of saving and paying off debt, Jenn and I are finally in a position to buy a home. We had a condo picked out. We have been trying to buy it for a while. We made an offer of $131,500. A reasonable offer. The seller is breaking even and Jenn and I have an affordable house payment. Because of declining home values the appraiser couldn't make this house appraise for more than $125,000. Well that's a deal breaker for the sellers. They want their money back. They don't want to lose anymore money than they have already.

So they called and said that they would lower the purchase price to $125,000 and they will consider the other $5,000 a personal loan and we can pay that back over time.

Well here is the problem I have with that. Why would I pay $131,000 for a house that is only valued at $125,000 in today's market? I won't. So if they don't appraise this house at $131,500 I'm going to walk away from the deal. I will pack my shit and move.

This is something I would rather not do.

Now the second part of this crisis, is that banks aren't loaning money out all that much, so with my weak credit score and lack of a large down payment, getting my deal through underwriting is going to be hard enough, and with this appraisal fiasco, this is giving me more hours of lost sleep than I care to lose.

This crisis has people freaking out. The malls are empty, people aren't spending any discretionary money. So people aren't coming into my kiosk and buying phones. This is effecting my paycheck because I work on commission.

Let's hope the rebound in the market isn't just a one day buy back and we keep making progress.

The government needs to keep its bail out package and let the market fix itself. Let the banks pay for the bad loans they doled out with their own money.

Hey, at least Congress got oil prices to drop, albeit by coincidence, but hey, at least they got something done for once.

Wedding Blogs [Part 4 of 4]

Original Post: June 5, 2008
Original Place: MySpace.com/Amplifyd
Original Title: The Wedding Part 4(Honeymoon)
About: This was a series of blogs written to chronicle my wedding from my point of view.

I guess this is just a natural last blog in regards to my wedding.

The Honeymoon.

Here is a fact about Honeymoons and why they are called Honeymoons.

Back in the old days, the bride and groom would have to make some babies, so the father of the groom would provide all the mead he could drink for one month after the wedding and lock them up. Now in that time, the most common mead of the time was honey mead, and back then months were tracked in phases of the moon, and one month was called a moon. Thus the Honeymoon.-----Thanks Pat for that tidbit of useless knowledge.

So the day after the wedding. Like I said, Audrey woke me up, then a headache woke me up. After a while, Jenn and I decided to leave our room and go venture out into the world as a married couple. We went to breakfast, where Keith and Jim were at a table talking quietly about the exploits of the night before. Most of us were all at one table, most of us being, Mom, Reggie (The best DJ in the world), Chris, Shelly, and Patrick along with me, and then Jenn, Audrey, Char, and Jenn's parents were at the other table. We all recounted the various things we could remember from the night before as we ate, and then Mom and Reggie left for home. Keith, Pat, and Jim headed to the Slugger museum, and Chris and Shelly also had a long drive ahead of them. For the rest of us, we had things to do. Packing to be done. Houses to be cleaned.

Around 3pm, Pat dropped off Keith at the airport, and then dropped off Jim at his car so he could go home, and he came by Jenn's grandmother's house to grab Audrey so he could go too. Now Audrey was not very happy to leave me. She never is. I tried to get her through the house to hug everyone good bye quickly because I knew this wasn't going to be easy for either of us. I walked her out to the car, and she started to cry, and very hard. Sobbing is more like it. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to go to Florida with Jenn and me. Unfortunately, something called school got in the way of that. I gave her a big hug, and got her in the car, and at this point banshees are less noisy. Pat got in the car and left. The tears came down, on her face and my face. I have never left Audrey for more than a long weekend, now I was going to be gone for a week. It was hard to see her go. Jenn just hugged me in the street until I was good enough to walk back into the house. It was a while, but we eventually went back in.

With that out of the way, Jenn and I got to packing. We got the car loaded up, and around 5pm, we set off for Florida. We got as far as Tennessee when we decided to stop for the night, around 10:30 or so. The next day we had to get there.

Now, no one really ever hears me complain about VZ Navigator. Well this day, I got pissed. We were going along on the highway, when it tells us to get off and take GA-4 south. Cool, thinking it was just not the interstate but just a state route that was a 65 mph zone. Well it was, but it also was 45mph, 35 mph, small towns were 25mph. Great! Well it was really pretty as far as scenery goes, but at about mid Georgia, the GPS grid was gone. My VZ navigator went dark, and we were not lost, but just not sure where to go. I looked ahead at the navigator and it told us to continue on this road until we got to route 17 in Florida. Well it didn't tell us about the detours, or that GA-4 was also GA-1 and GA-28. Anyway, we didn't get too lost at all. We were just not sure how long it was going to take. It wasn't until Jenn knew where we were that the VZ Navigator came back on. I cursed under my breath.

My first impressions of this resort were amazing. My tummy was hurting, so as Jenn checked us in, I went to the bathroom to find, really nice fixtures, the smell of home, and quilted TP in the stalls. Very nice. I like.

So the room was amazing, 7^th floor with an ocean view. Breathtaking. I have photos up.

Jenn and I wanted to take some photos. Oh yeah, our digital ate our memory card, and we were forced to buy a new one. Then the digital camera broke, so we had to buy a new one of those. Tuesday was fun. We got a golf cart for the week and started exploring. I thought this resort was a couple of hotels and some condos, but no, it's a hotel, restaurants, shops, spa, houses, and condos. Oh yeah, the resort is something like 3 miles by 5 miles. Pretty large. Wednesday was nice too. Massage day. I was completely uncomfortable and nervous because the ladies got a nice LONG robe to wear, and the guys, it went maybe a little past my knees. So you try and be a guy, naked, under a short robe, and try and hide the goods. Its nerve racking. Anyway, all that went away when we got into the massage room. All I got to say is, awesome!

Thursday, we went to St. Augustine. What a cool old town. Its something like the oldest town in America. There was an awesome lighthouse and old fort, also the A1A brewery had an excellent beer tour. It was lovely. Then we went back to the hotel.

Friday, the Segway day. Now if you haven't ever been on one of these things they are awesome. I want to buy one ASAP. They are so much fun. It was a nice nature cruise after a short orientation, and then we got to go down on the beach with them and play in the sand. It was fun to chase the sand pipers. They were awesome. We built a sand castle that day too, because we are just those people.

Saturday we played golf. What a nice course. $195 a round, per person. Yeah apparently the owner bought it for us because our account said friend or family member guest. They asked us who we knew, and we told them. Our round cost $50.00….. for both of us. Yeah I know. It was the best round of golf one could have asked for. We shot like hell, and didn't really have fun until the back 9. Later that night we ventured in to see a comedy show with Jenn's good friend Barb. We had dinner and had a great time drinking and laughing.

Sunday was a day of reflection. We cruised the resort, cruised the beach, cruised the bar, got a drink and started to cruise the resort again. It was a nice relaxing day. Monday. Time to go home. Never fun, but we were ready.

Now before I end this blog, I must mention the food we ate. We had fabulous meals every night we were there. We ate everything from steak, to Mahi Mahi, to scallops, to pizza, to Ahi Tuna, and we went to some really nice restaurants. I don't want to bore you, but all the weight that Jenn and I worked hard to lose, well, its back, for the time being.

Anyway, I hope you enjoyed our wedding as much as we did. If you were there, you know I left out a ton of stuff. If you were not there, its ok, this is just a broad strokes look at the wedding. I'm sure when we get together you will hear much more detail, as it will be talked about for the ages.

Keith said it best. "Another classic Gercak family wedding."

Wedding Blogs [Part 3 of 4]

Original Post: June 4, 2008
Original Place: MySpace.com/Amplifyd
Original Title: The Wedding Part 3(The Reception)
About: This was a series of blogs written to chronicle my wedding from my point of view.

I left you hanging after the last blog.

I did marry the woman of my dreams. I am the luckiest man in the World, with the exception of the guy that invented the plastic tips on shoe laces he's a pretty lucky guy too.

I will spare you the details of the time between the ceremony and the reception. Here is a brief synopsis. Jenn and I shook all the hands of the guests as they exited the church. More tears and hugs ensued. We then got into the rental car (Chrysler 300) and took it around the block with Keith at the helm. Family, plus wedding party, plus photographer, you connect the dots. Short drive. Wedding party, outside, wind, balloons, plus photographer. You get it.

So now we are pulling into the Marriott in Downtown Louisville. The valet saw me, and was like no big deal. He saw the Amanda (Jenn's sister) get out of the car, and I think he went, wow, she's in a nice dress, and 3 nano seconds later he saw Jenn in her dress and he RAN to get her door. They treated us like royalty as we entered the hotel. We were greeted by the wedding planner and they escorted us to a holding tank for the bridal party. I practiced dancing with my Mom in the reception hall before the guests got in there (they were outside the hall enjoying an open bar and awesome appietizers).

The Dance. There is nothing that can prepare you to do a choreographed dance for your wedding. 9 months of practice? No. A shot of bourbon? No. We ran through it once and I was like, I can't focus on this right now, I was too excited/aggravated because a person in our bridal party doesn't understand the concept of 2 lefts and a right hand turn into the hotel. Crazy I know, but I have to talk this person in. Anyway, I am walking off the dance floor when I say, "Damn I can use a drink".

"What are you drinking?" some super server ninja says right behind me.

3 seconds later, I had a stiff bourbon and water in my hand, and I was off to enjoy the night.

So meanwhile, in the holding tank, we are all just hanging enjoying the day. Jenn and I are doing the married people chant, "I love you" and "I love you too" *smooch*

The wedding planner gets us, and we are announced to the guests who are now in their seats. How awesome was this? All the people ahead of me were all announced and then we walked in. The reception room looked amazing. The crowd was clapping. Jenn and I felt like monkeys. Dance monkey Dance! I like attention, but not all of it 100% of the time. I like to stand out, then blend in, then stand out again, then blend in again. Nope not today. We were put up on a stage in front of everyone.

Dinner was served pretty soon after. As we sat down at the table, I saw a card. On it said, do not open until instructed by the best man. I noticed it was on all the tables. This made me nervous. What did my brother Keith have planned?

After dinner the DJ calls Keith up to the microphone and he whips out a sheet, which I presume is the speech he is about to give. The microphone is cordless so it gives Keith the stage to walk around like he is performing. He starts off with the hi, I'm Keith, I've known Adam for….

He then instructs the crowd to open the envelope, but not the head table. The crowd is reacting to the picture in the envelope. This is what they sound like.

"Awe," then "*snicker snicker*"

I wanted to know what it was. I wanted to tear into this envelope. Keith then tells us that we can open the envelope. I tear into it and it wasn't a picture that was unfamiliar to me. It was a photo of Jenn and me, in 1997, at her senior prom. Because I am unable to get a photo of it uploaded in time to post this blog, I will describe it. I am wearing a long tux coat (Black) and striped pants (black and white like chef's pants but nicer) and a white shirt with a grey paisley Ascot. Jenn is wearing a Blue dress with sparkly things all over it. Our hair is in the typical fashion for 1997. Bad. Well Jenn's looked good. I had so much product in mine it would have pasted a crash test put on by the NTSB.

Keith apparently got the reaction he was looking for out of Jenn and I, so he unveiled the picture he had covered on the easel on stage. I guess he wanted people to get a good look at it, because it was enlarged and framed. He then went on to tell people what I just told you, it was Jenn's senior prom in 1997, blah blah blah……

He went into a comedic diatribe about what were we thinking. Did we know today would be happening back then or were we worried about our chicken dinner at prom being cooked all the way through?

People laughed, then he went in for the pay off.

"Do you think they knew that they would be getting married 11 years later?"

Wait for it.

"Here is another fun fact about this photo."

Here it comes.

"This photo was taken 11 years ago……."

Here you go

"…..to the DAY!"

Silence………..

Tears rolled down Jenn's face, my face, and anyone who was there.

Keith continued. He quoted something about love from the dictionary. He then made a wise crack about its definition and that the Rhodes Scholars who wrote it were incredibly romantic as his comment dripped with sarcasm. He then re wrote the definition and I wish I could remember it.

Keith finished with a very great monologue. If there was a checklist. Adam and Jenn followed it. He named what would be on this checklist, motioned, and said check after each one. He said if you've ever wanted to see love, look at these two. Look at Jenn around Audrey. Look at Audrey around Jenn. Look at Adam within eyesight of Jenn. That's love and I wish them all the best.

That's when we wiped our tears, and drank to the toast.

The hug I gave Keith was unlike any hug I've given him. I never knew he thought the way he did about Jenn and me. Whether he actually meant what he said, he really played it off as heartfelt. Now I have no doubt he meant what he said, but I am humbled by his words. I don't like people to talk about me, and when they speak and its good things, I don't like to brag. However, Keith's speech was awesome. People are still talking about it. (There is a partial video of it; I will post it as soon as I get it)

So now with the mushy crap out of the way, let's eat cake and dance. Now Jenn and I didn't smoosh cake in each other's faces. We were good. Classy.

My Mom and I got out on the dance floor and I messed up our dance entirely. No one noticed but me. I still haven't watched the video of it. But people loved it! They clapped, Mom cried. All was well. Jenn and her Dad got out there and Jenn cried her way through 'Butterfly Kisses". Then she and I got out there and tore it up to "Take my breath away" There is a joke that is too long for this long blog.

So time to mingle. Many people wanted to know. Did I get wasted at my wedding? Yes. Were there a lot of people at your wedding? Enough to party is my answer. Now I am not sure if anyone noticed, but I would only speak to any one person for one drink. The drink was bourbon and water. If you wanted to do a shot with me, then I would do a shot of bourbon with you and then walk away and get another drink and talk to someone else until that glass was empty. It was a good system. I got to have a drink with everyone, and there were about 75 people at the wedding. So needless to say I got drunk. Now about 9:30pm Keith, Steve, Pat, and I went out to the patio of the hotel to smoke the cigars I got us and have a drink. Well half a cigar later I was empty, so I made the mistake of sending Pat's brother in law, Chris, in to refill me. Bourbon and water. Tell the bartender it's for the groom, he knows how I like them. Well he comes back with bourbon and water and a shot, which I was lead to believe would be bourbon. Now I can drink bourbon and not get totally and unequivocally wasted. I was drunk, but not as sloppy as I could have been. I would call it comfortably numb. So Chris tells me I am doing a shot. So are the other people on the patio, which were a few wedding guests and two very drunk and very cool Australian blokes in town for the NRA convention in the same hotel as my wedding.

Bottoms up. I pound this shot down. I swallow. I taste. I am handed a bourbon and water. I hand back the shot glass. I say… "That's tequila."

"No, its 1800 gold tequila." I was told by Chris.

I was happy and furious all at the same time. Not only did he break my bourbon only rule, he is now going to break the one drink per conversation rule. I tell anyone within ear shot that this bourbon and water is going to be my last drink of the night. Chris may have single handedly ruined my wedding night for Jenn. May have. Keep going.

The tequila hit my veins. I felt it pour through my body like battery acid. I went from being drunk, to couldn't talk with out trying really hard NOT to slur my words, and it just got worse. No more alcohol, just water. The bar tenders knew it. No more bourbon and waters for Adam. Just water, and lots of it. I ate some peanuts from the bar, and water. For the record I drank twice as much water as bourbon that night. I was sober enough to walk in a straight line and carry Jenn into the hotel room.

So the reception is over. Jenn and I are brought to the hotel. Like I said I carried her over the threshold like a good groom should, and into the honeymoon suite. In the living room of the suite was food from our reception in case we were hungry, a bottle of champagne on ice, our gifts, our cards, and the top of our gorgeous cake with a note saying "congrats on your wedding, love, the Marriott staff" How lovely.

The bedroom had the tops of roses in the shape of a heart on the bed, with a plate of chocolate covered strawberry's in the center of it, and our towels, folded into a heart on the bed. Awesome right? I know. What happens after this point you don't get a blog on.

All you need to know is, I woke up the next morning to a ringing phone, and it was Audrey asking me if I was awake yet. I said no, and went back to sleep to wake up 5 minutes later with a pounding headache. Thanks Chris, you asshole, for giving me tequila. Cock. But I love you anyway.

Wedding Blogs [Part 2 of 4]

Original Post: May 21, 2008
Original Place: MySpace.com/Amplifyd
Original Title: The Wedding Part 2(Ceremony)
About: This was a series of blogs written to chronicle my wedding from my point of view.

So, there are people out there who want to know what a hanky bonnet is. What a hanky bonnet is; it is just a hanky, like the lace kind women carry, folded up to create a bonnet. In my family, it is tradition for all babies to wear it home from the hospital. After the baby wears home, it is taken off and placed somewhere safe, and if that baby was a boy, the hanky is unfolded and ironed, and given to his bride to carry down the isle as the 'something old'. It is a symbolic gesture of a man's mother giving her son away, because let's face it, its all about the daughter as far as weddings go.

That's what a hanky bonnet is, and I hope you can see why Jenn was so upset when she didn't have it with her.

Anyway, let us get into the wedding day.

Keith's friend Jim drove in the day before, after thinking he couldn't get here. He got there and he was able to spend the last night of bachelorhood in bed with me. He likes to cuddle, but after some pushing, he stopped spooning me.

The morning of May 17^th was just like any other day, except that I was about to get married, and that I had not really slept a whole lot. I wasn't nervous, just excited to get it over. I had a lot of anxiety over how the day was going to go. I didn't want to be late; I didn't want to be so early that I was pacing just to pass the time. I had a few things to do and I wanted them to be done so I could get going.

So I got out the door to run errands about 10:30am, after forcing myself to eat an apple for breakfast. For the past month, I haven't been hungry for breakfast, and those who know me know that I am a freak for breakfast. So I went out on a search for a golf glove for Jenn. About a month ago, Jenn and I agreed that we would not get each other wedding gifts because we spent so much on everything else. Now when I got to Kentucky, I hadn't seen Jenn in a week. Within hours of me waking up when I got there, I was already at the florist to send her one rose. What I wrote on the card to my bride was special to me, and I hope she loved it. (My mom told me, that she cried when she read it.)

My search for a golf glove ended at Golf headquarters. They had the specific type of golf glove I was looking for. A golf glove was meant for a manicure and jewelry. I found one, quickly purchased it, ran over to Wal-Mart got a gift bag and tissue paper, then went back to the hotel and wrote out a card, put it in the bag with tissue paper, and got a shower and started to get ready.

It took me a whole 25 minutes to get ready. I forced myself to slow down. Keith and I left and took the rental car to be washed. I picked it up that morning, and it was dirty. They washed it, but they had one of those crappy machines do it. Keith and I took it where they wash it, then had dry it to get all the crap off it.

So once I was at the church, things really started to speed up. The photographer took us to get some pictures done. You have seen some of them on my page already. Wait until you see the rest. Our photographer was amazing! Once the photos were taken, the guys and me went up to the church and hung out. I drank a ton of water and talked with Jim, Chris, and Josh while I waited. Keith, Steve, and Patrick left to take the ring bearers to the ladies, and then to light candles and usher in our guests. It was just Jim, Chris, and myself alone. Eventually it was just Jim up there with me. It was just awesome. I am still glad he was eventually able to make it down for the wedding.

I was standing behind a door that went right into the sanctuary, when all the guys got back. I walked in to see Jenn's mom crying, my mom sitting and being my mom, and a few other people in the front few rows. If you were back further than row three, I could not see you. I stood there and watched the bridesmaids come down the isle. They all looked genuinely excited to be there. I've been to some weddings when the bridesmaids look like they have a gun to their head to smile as they walk down the isle, but Char, Shelly, and Amanda looked great. My niece and nephew walked down the isle and made it to their spots, and then I see Audrey start to come down. She looks so beautiful. She looked so excited. She walked to the end of the isle and then gave me a kiss. As I type this, I get a tear in my eye.

I try to regain composure, and then Keith and Steve take the runner down the isle. At this point, Jenn is standing off to the side so I can't see her, but I do see her Dad. Keith and Steve look off towards her, and Steve said something to her and told Keith not to walk on the runner, it is only for Jenn. They take their positions again, and then the music starts. Everyone stands up, I look down the isle and here is the most spectacular bride I have ever seen. The tears didn't let me enjoy the view, it turned into a soggy mess, but once I got them out of my eyes, it was fantastic. I went down and met her and her Dad gave me her hand, and then once it was just Jenn on my arm, all the noise, all the music, and the guests just went away. It was just Jenn and me, holding hands.

The ceremony went on, and then it was time for our vows. I told my self to hold it together, and for the most part, I did, but I was a bit teary eyed. Once the vows were over, all the stress, all the anxiety of timetables, all the worry went away.

I was married to the women of my dreams. If only everyone could be as lucky as I am.