Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Wedding Blogs [Part 3 of 4]

Original Post: June 4, 2008
Original Place: MySpace.com/Amplifyd
Original Title: The Wedding Part 3(The Reception)
About: This was a series of blogs written to chronicle my wedding from my point of view.

I left you hanging after the last blog.

I did marry the woman of my dreams. I am the luckiest man in the World, with the exception of the guy that invented the plastic tips on shoe laces he's a pretty lucky guy too.

I will spare you the details of the time between the ceremony and the reception. Here is a brief synopsis. Jenn and I shook all the hands of the guests as they exited the church. More tears and hugs ensued. We then got into the rental car (Chrysler 300) and took it around the block with Keith at the helm. Family, plus wedding party, plus photographer, you connect the dots. Short drive. Wedding party, outside, wind, balloons, plus photographer. You get it.

So now we are pulling into the Marriott in Downtown Louisville. The valet saw me, and was like no big deal. He saw the Amanda (Jenn's sister) get out of the car, and I think he went, wow, she's in a nice dress, and 3 nano seconds later he saw Jenn in her dress and he RAN to get her door. They treated us like royalty as we entered the hotel. We were greeted by the wedding planner and they escorted us to a holding tank for the bridal party. I practiced dancing with my Mom in the reception hall before the guests got in there (they were outside the hall enjoying an open bar and awesome appietizers).

The Dance. There is nothing that can prepare you to do a choreographed dance for your wedding. 9 months of practice? No. A shot of bourbon? No. We ran through it once and I was like, I can't focus on this right now, I was too excited/aggravated because a person in our bridal party doesn't understand the concept of 2 lefts and a right hand turn into the hotel. Crazy I know, but I have to talk this person in. Anyway, I am walking off the dance floor when I say, "Damn I can use a drink".

"What are you drinking?" some super server ninja says right behind me.

3 seconds later, I had a stiff bourbon and water in my hand, and I was off to enjoy the night.

So meanwhile, in the holding tank, we are all just hanging enjoying the day. Jenn and I are doing the married people chant, "I love you" and "I love you too" *smooch*

The wedding planner gets us, and we are announced to the guests who are now in their seats. How awesome was this? All the people ahead of me were all announced and then we walked in. The reception room looked amazing. The crowd was clapping. Jenn and I felt like monkeys. Dance monkey Dance! I like attention, but not all of it 100% of the time. I like to stand out, then blend in, then stand out again, then blend in again. Nope not today. We were put up on a stage in front of everyone.

Dinner was served pretty soon after. As we sat down at the table, I saw a card. On it said, do not open until instructed by the best man. I noticed it was on all the tables. This made me nervous. What did my brother Keith have planned?

After dinner the DJ calls Keith up to the microphone and he whips out a sheet, which I presume is the speech he is about to give. The microphone is cordless so it gives Keith the stage to walk around like he is performing. He starts off with the hi, I'm Keith, I've known Adam for….

He then instructs the crowd to open the envelope, but not the head table. The crowd is reacting to the picture in the envelope. This is what they sound like.

"Awe," then "*snicker snicker*"

I wanted to know what it was. I wanted to tear into this envelope. Keith then tells us that we can open the envelope. I tear into it and it wasn't a picture that was unfamiliar to me. It was a photo of Jenn and me, in 1997, at her senior prom. Because I am unable to get a photo of it uploaded in time to post this blog, I will describe it. I am wearing a long tux coat (Black) and striped pants (black and white like chef's pants but nicer) and a white shirt with a grey paisley Ascot. Jenn is wearing a Blue dress with sparkly things all over it. Our hair is in the typical fashion for 1997. Bad. Well Jenn's looked good. I had so much product in mine it would have pasted a crash test put on by the NTSB.

Keith apparently got the reaction he was looking for out of Jenn and I, so he unveiled the picture he had covered on the easel on stage. I guess he wanted people to get a good look at it, because it was enlarged and framed. He then went on to tell people what I just told you, it was Jenn's senior prom in 1997, blah blah blah……

He went into a comedic diatribe about what were we thinking. Did we know today would be happening back then or were we worried about our chicken dinner at prom being cooked all the way through?

People laughed, then he went in for the pay off.

"Do you think they knew that they would be getting married 11 years later?"

Wait for it.

"Here is another fun fact about this photo."

Here it comes.

"This photo was taken 11 years ago……."

Here you go

"…..to the DAY!"


Tears rolled down Jenn's face, my face, and anyone who was there.

Keith continued. He quoted something about love from the dictionary. He then made a wise crack about its definition and that the Rhodes Scholars who wrote it were incredibly romantic as his comment dripped with sarcasm. He then re wrote the definition and I wish I could remember it.

Keith finished with a very great monologue. If there was a checklist. Adam and Jenn followed it. He named what would be on this checklist, motioned, and said check after each one. He said if you've ever wanted to see love, look at these two. Look at Jenn around Audrey. Look at Audrey around Jenn. Look at Adam within eyesight of Jenn. That's love and I wish them all the best.

That's when we wiped our tears, and drank to the toast.

The hug I gave Keith was unlike any hug I've given him. I never knew he thought the way he did about Jenn and me. Whether he actually meant what he said, he really played it off as heartfelt. Now I have no doubt he meant what he said, but I am humbled by his words. I don't like people to talk about me, and when they speak and its good things, I don't like to brag. However, Keith's speech was awesome. People are still talking about it. (There is a partial video of it; I will post it as soon as I get it)

So now with the mushy crap out of the way, let's eat cake and dance. Now Jenn and I didn't smoosh cake in each other's faces. We were good. Classy.

My Mom and I got out on the dance floor and I messed up our dance entirely. No one noticed but me. I still haven't watched the video of it. But people loved it! They clapped, Mom cried. All was well. Jenn and her Dad got out there and Jenn cried her way through 'Butterfly Kisses". Then she and I got out there and tore it up to "Take my breath away" There is a joke that is too long for this long blog.

So time to mingle. Many people wanted to know. Did I get wasted at my wedding? Yes. Were there a lot of people at your wedding? Enough to party is my answer. Now I am not sure if anyone noticed, but I would only speak to any one person for one drink. The drink was bourbon and water. If you wanted to do a shot with me, then I would do a shot of bourbon with you and then walk away and get another drink and talk to someone else until that glass was empty. It was a good system. I got to have a drink with everyone, and there were about 75 people at the wedding. So needless to say I got drunk. Now about 9:30pm Keith, Steve, Pat, and I went out to the patio of the hotel to smoke the cigars I got us and have a drink. Well half a cigar later I was empty, so I made the mistake of sending Pat's brother in law, Chris, in to refill me. Bourbon and water. Tell the bartender it's for the groom, he knows how I like them. Well he comes back with bourbon and water and a shot, which I was lead to believe would be bourbon. Now I can drink bourbon and not get totally and unequivocally wasted. I was drunk, but not as sloppy as I could have been. I would call it comfortably numb. So Chris tells me I am doing a shot. So are the other people on the patio, which were a few wedding guests and two very drunk and very cool Australian blokes in town for the NRA convention in the same hotel as my wedding.

Bottoms up. I pound this shot down. I swallow. I taste. I am handed a bourbon and water. I hand back the shot glass. I say… "That's tequila."

"No, its 1800 gold tequila." I was told by Chris.

I was happy and furious all at the same time. Not only did he break my bourbon only rule, he is now going to break the one drink per conversation rule. I tell anyone within ear shot that this bourbon and water is going to be my last drink of the night. Chris may have single handedly ruined my wedding night for Jenn. May have. Keep going.

The tequila hit my veins. I felt it pour through my body like battery acid. I went from being drunk, to couldn't talk with out trying really hard NOT to slur my words, and it just got worse. No more alcohol, just water. The bar tenders knew it. No more bourbon and waters for Adam. Just water, and lots of it. I ate some peanuts from the bar, and water. For the record I drank twice as much water as bourbon that night. I was sober enough to walk in a straight line and carry Jenn into the hotel room.

So the reception is over. Jenn and I are brought to the hotel. Like I said I carried her over the threshold like a good groom should, and into the honeymoon suite. In the living room of the suite was food from our reception in case we were hungry, a bottle of champagne on ice, our gifts, our cards, and the top of our gorgeous cake with a note saying "congrats on your wedding, love, the Marriott staff" How lovely.

The bedroom had the tops of roses in the shape of a heart on the bed, with a plate of chocolate covered strawberry's in the center of it, and our towels, folded into a heart on the bed. Awesome right? I know. What happens after this point you don't get a blog on.

All you need to know is, I woke up the next morning to a ringing phone, and it was Audrey asking me if I was awake yet. I said no, and went back to sleep to wake up 5 minutes later with a pounding headache. Thanks Chris, you asshole, for giving me tequila. Cock. But I love you anyway.

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