Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Pooping at work?

When is it acceptable to poop at work?  I think that is a fair question.  Since I have started a new job, it's nice to revisit the subject as to remind myself of the proper etiquette before my bowels need to have a pyrotechnic show that would probably rival Thunder over Louisville.

The reason I ask this question as there is always that guy in the office that can't wait to get to work and drop a deuce.  Usually it's a young guy who recently moved in with his girlfriend and is freaked out about scaring the girl off by the odoriferous colon he has in his pants.  But, we often think of the nasty dumpers as dudes, but in my long career of working in small staffed offices, there are just as many girls who can poop with the best of them.  Usually the girls who poop at work are also those who have recently moved in with their boy and are trying to keep up the guise that they don't poop.  Just like they don't sweat, fart, or even stink after working out.

We all know that after about 2 years of living together, sharing a space, and even occassionaly enjoying a pleasurable romp in bed, that they do actually poop.  They also sweat, and if your romps are good enough, sometimes you both stink and sweat after. 

So this leaves me to pontificate the correct way to poop at work. 

It is only acceptable to poop at work in the case of an extreme emergency.  You know the, oh my god, that Chipotle Burrito washed down with the extra hot sauce emergency.  The holy shit, I can't believe I ate the squirrel on lunch. 

Recreational shitting is to be done in your own home, and not part of a regular routine at work. 

Thank you for your time and consideration, now light that candle, it stinks in here.


Vodka Logic said...

I love your use of words "odoriferous colon he has in his pants."

We have a few bathrooms in the general vicinity of the lab so depending on what you want to do dictates which bathroom you use... and it doesn't even have to be an emergency.

good luck... lol

Craig Can't Dance said...

In a 1 stall per office bathroom, MAYBE your no-pooping rule is law... but in larger operations I assure you everyone takes a poo break. If for no other reason to play games on their phone uninterrupted for 5-10 min.

In fact, many people 'zone out' on the shitter and only wake up when someone new enters the room to piss. The problem with this scenario is that the newly awake guy wraps up and beats the urinator to the sink. now the urinator needs to look at the pooper and smell his shit while making small talk. Moral of the story is if you are an "in the zone" shitter... please give us urinators a head start.

that was my rant.

And yes, girl poops are extra stinky, so keep it to yourself ladies.

Mario Houston said...

Scary thing is that there are far too many lunch experimenting folk that find themselves in the emergency zone once they return to the office. Thus leaving all of us in a frenzy due to the odoriferous scent left behind by others when we find ourselves heading to dispense the large drink we had at lunch.

The larger question should be is it OK to vocalize your satisfaction from dropping the bomb of the century while others are present in the poop house with you.

cfoxes said...

My only problem with this is that, sometimes a body is on it's own schedule and at 10 AM, you have to do your doody, I mean duty.

Mr. B said...

I think you have allow for a schedule exception. If you need to poop every day at 1:30 (right after lunch works it way through the system), you don't hold it until you get home. If you are every-day-same-time-regular, then you just accept that.

That way if you are a stinky-pooper, people can learn to avoid the room during (and after) your scheduled visitation.

bobcatsouthpaw12 said...

I don't think there is a problem with it, especially if you just ate at Qdoba's or Five Guys for lunch. It's sort of expected.

My issue is certain people come to work right when they get here and spend 45 minutes in the bathroom. Not only do they do the deed, but then proceed to brush their teeth and shave. Do that crap at home....literally.

The other issue is we have an upstairs and downstairs to our office. The guys upstairs come down to our bathroom and blow it up. Then proceed back upstairs to normality while us downstairs people have to suffer.

In all, its about etiquette, if you maintain it for the next person to use it, then there's no problem with doing the deed at work.

Tino said...

"Recreational shitting"

Best. Phrase. Ever.

"So, what do you like to do when you aren't working?"
"Oh, you know, just a little recreational shitting."

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

The problem is, I'd not the fact people have to poo and what schedule they are on but how to poo. COURTESY FLUSH solves a lot of the odor problem. True story.

Now I wouldn't know about smell because my poop has never smelled!

Barefoot Dreamer said...

The wonderful thing about my job as a SAHM never a problem! We do have a house rule that pooing is to be done in the basement bathroom -no need stinking up the upstairs living/kitchen area. plus that vent works much better too.

In the work place it is at time necessary to go, I agree. if you are able to hold it great! but don't plug yourself up over it, everyone has to suffer then with your continual leaking of gas... worse!

Woman vs men - no doubt!!!! both find the others worse "true story" as Shelle said.

Leah said...

Shelle-Blok you have the right idea...a quick courtesy flush right away, don't let your deposit linger for a second and take matches with you and light a match before leaving the stall. Stealth pooping!

Dr. Heckle said...

But at work I don't have to worry about clogging the toilet. Also, I kind of think of it like I'm leaving treasure for someone else to find...

Suldog said...

I would say it all depends upon WHERE you poop. The boss's desk? Not good.

The Dartboard said...

I approach the work dook with the planning and stealth of a ninja master. I am not above going to a floor dominated by mainly female staff, or finding the most remote bathroom possible to poo. I feel like the superman of pooping sometimes. No one can know my identity.

kold_kadavr_ flatliner said...

Thar aint no pooping in Hellfire...
cuzz thar aint nthn to poop, dood.
And dats da fak, Jak.
Follow us on the journey Upstairs...

Google: 'Fr John Corapi pt 3 Hell'

Yes, earthlings, a Hell exists.
Im an NDE.
God bless your indelible soul.

...whether you as a sinfull mortal
wanna believe in Hell or not,
dont make a whole lotta difference:
YOU - SHALL - CROAK, earthling;
1-outta-1 bites-the-dust.

Jesus believes in Hell...
He doesnt send U.S. though.
And I aint going to that
dagnasty Hellwhole for eternity.

Make Your Choice -SAW