LZ Cheer

The air had a bit of a chill in it tonight. It has been raining all day and now into the evening it was turning into snow.

I am sitting on the bleachers on Audrey's cheer practice doing what I do best. Staying quiet and passing judgment.

Cheer practice has become modern warfare in my eyes. The war paint of a cheer leader is not camouflage, but blue glitter. The uniform is not jungle stripes, but a mixture of tailored polyester and other synthetic fabrics. The weapon is not an M-16 but the tooth less smiles of 6 year olds. The more obnoxious the better.

The modern day Huey helicopter is a late model minivan with dual sliding doors.

Today against the cloudy night sky, I parked my car and Audrey climbed out and ran into practice. We were late.

I took my time coming in. I was on a phone call and didn't want the loud music of cheer practice to hinder my ability to communicate.

I hung up the phone and placed my phone back into my pocket and I could hear the faint thumping in the air. I felt like the Vietcong hearing their demise from a H-1 Huey Gun ship filled with highly trained US Army personnel from the 2nd Calvary. The thumping grew louder.

From around the corner came a Chrysler Town & Country. It sped into the parking lot and stopped short in front of the door. The side doors flung open and 8 kids jumped out. The van closed up again and it was gone. The thumping was not of rotor blades, but the massive bass hits of Miley Cyrus.

The whole move had as much precision as Navy SEAL insertion.

I am completely baffled by this whole ordeal. Today is dress rehearsal day. The Cheer Snobs are out in force. They are all criticing their own daughters performance. Who is hurting the team, and who is helping. Of course it doesn't matter that their daughter has been messing up all practice, they are all convinced of their daughters infallible talent.

Audrey's first competition [read: war] is coming up this Saturday. I will have photos no doubt.